I think I am going to call them “Dawnism’s”…

I could never understand how all these things happened to poor J. DRAMA, Drama, drama seem to follow him everywhere. He would tell me his version of what happened and I would think to myself…this kid has the worst luck, why do they pick on him…it really wasn’t his fault. What the hell are wrong with all these friends that once loved J so much??? This kid just can not catch a break. It really did not dawn on me…until Dawn pointed it out  (pun intended). These things didn’t just randomly happen! They happened because J created that whirl wind of drama that continually swirled around him. They happened because of who and what he surrounded himself with. He was marked. If you look like an addict, act like an addict and hang out with addicts. Guess what? You are an addict! Only all I could see was my college dude, I was blind, but not for long. All of you had no problem pointing out the glaring truth. It was so important for me to recognize it. So thank you all for that.

My son before his addiction kicked in, looked like a college kid, dressed in Abercrombie clothes, driving the cool little VW Passat we got him. This was a handsome boy with a future. ALMOST instantaneously drugs took that look away and replaced it with a skinny hollow shell of a young man. He was marked and what I mean by that is…he could no longer fly under the radar. When he was pulled over for a simple traffic stop. He no longer looked like a college dude, he looked like an addict and was treated accordingly. When he was in a part of the city he should not have been in, with people who also looked like addicts, he was treated accordingly. No skating by with the look of kid who had a future.

What I thought and the way I saw things were ridiculously different. Now that those blinders are off…I can honestly see that  J lived in a world of his own creation. What the rest of the world should still understand is nobody started out wanting to live in hell. If you believe that addiction is a disease (which I do), then this hell they are or were living in was not a choice because who would choose to live in hell???????  But, I guess that is a whole other kind of post and where Dawn and I diverge in our opinions.

I guess the point I am trying to make is even when these behaviors change and they look like their old self… I am not sure we are still seeing them truthfully. Maybe we are just seeing them with a new set of blinders on. Now we are filled with hope and see a future where all things are possible but maybe the rest of the world doesn’t?  I think when J went out a couple of weeks ago looking to me like the old  “college dude”,  J was still some how marked by his past hell. Why did the doorman target J and his license? Does he still have a lingering look of something that I thought he had left behind? How was he marked? How did that doorman know, that if he dug for trouble it would show up? (Anyone not familiar with the incident can go back to my July 19th post last month, to refresh your memory)

I personally talked to the police officer involved. J was not taken into custody for anything disorderly. It was simply because the doorman didn’t think that was J in the picture on his license. The J in the picture on his license was from two years ago “the addict” the hollow shell of a young man, maybe that is why the doorman could not believe the young man in front of him. Maybe J looked to alive, to healthy, or maybe J still has not shaken the shadow of his past. I really don’t know? I don’t trust myself or my eyes anymore. Sadly, I am not sure I ever will.


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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10 Responses to I think I am going to call them “Dawnism’s”…

  1. Dawn M McCoy says:

    Thanks for the credit lol. But, sadly, its quite true. In fact, what we have learned by life’s little lessons, is that we ARE judged by the company we keep. So, when you hang out with trash, you are unfortunately treated like trash. I think this comes as quite a shock to the ‘new group of addicts, the upper middle class white kids. They have never experienced racism, or classism, or the sometimes unfair treatment by various agencies who see them by a label. Hence my statement, once a junkie….always a junkie. Fair? Nope. True? Yep. And the saddest part is that they, themselves, whether by choice or disease, created that world, subculture and perception. It’s there for others too, and just as unfair. The obese are often treated as an undesirable subculture. And, like addicts, they are thought to be responsible. Unfortunately, there isn’t a bloody thing you as a parent will be able to do about it either. It is something your son will have to deal with, on his own. All you can do now is be there to be supportive and help him to understand. {{{Hugs}}}

  2. madyson007 says:

    Next time I am going to quote “Ronisms’s”, “Barbarism’s”, “:Terism’s”, “Anettism’s”, “Sydism’s” “Deeism’s” LOUism’s” “Reneeism’s” “Jeffism’s”….and the list goes on. LOL You really are all wonderful and wise. I really could have gone on and on…please do not be offended if I did not include your name in my ism’s…my fingers got tired!

  3. Terri says:

    Great post! Thank you for sharing.

  4. Terri says:

    Great post! Thank you for sharing. I think we all have our “isms’. I also think we have earned them.

  5. Ron Grover says:

    It is so true, you get what you have become.

    Had an incident to illustrate that last Saturday with Alex. He’s clean and living a very good life. Truth is he probably flies straighter than me now. But about 3 weeks ago he hit a deer in his car. Broke the headlight turn signal and header panel on his car . Car is drivable in the daytime but has no headlight on the passenger side. He drives to work and back is about the only place it goes. One of the guys at work ask Alex if he would do some work at his house for pay so Alex went there. He was working away and one of the guys neighbors called the police on Alex’s car because it was parked on the side of the street and she thought it was an abandoned car. In this little suburb of course 2 cops showed up to run the tags and VIN. About that time Alex and Mike noticed the cops and they went out to check things out. Then the cops run ID’s on both Alex and Mike. Questioned them even though it was at Mike’s house.

    Alex had me order the parts to repair his car today so it doesn’t look like a suspicious vehicle. He really doesn’t have the money to fix it but he wants no reason for anyone to think he is a part of that life any more he said. So I ordered his parts online today (cheaper) and he is paying me.

    I have never seen someone so determined to leave a life behind. He never even talks about it. It’s like he just had a big time out in life and he is now back in the game.

    So just from what I have observed Dawn is right. You are what you become. In fact it reminds me of a saying from my grandma and she’s long gone but she use to say, “Lay down with dogs, don’t be surprised if you get fleas.”

  6. beachteacher says:

    Regarding what Ron said……I heard that same quote about laying down with dogs and getting fleas once,..except not from a grandmother, but from a bail bondsman at jail once, when getting D out. I thought it was quite apt when I heard it then…and still do. I really hope that D remembers it even more than I do. And as I just mentioned on my blog yesterday…..there’s still some “stuff” left on your shoe later on, even after you’re done walking in it for awhile. It takes time to really get it all off.

    And Madyson…I know what you mean, that it took time for our perception of our former kid to morph into the reality of who’d they’d become via drugs. I’m not sure about how I personally feel about what you said when they’re now working on recovery and the way I see my son now. As much as I am very hopeful and oh SO MUCH want him to keep working on his recovery and going forth positively….despite him doing the right thing now , it’s going to take a long time before I don’t look at him through the lens of seeing him as a drug addict…who could be lying to us and doing what we’re not aware of. It’s just really going to take time…..it was years and years of this,….we’ll see.

  7. onemomtalking says:

    Thanks for this post. It’s so true! I find it hard to know when to trust my own eyes — with my boys and beyond them as well. The way addiction changed things…so sneaky it was…It’s changed me as well! My son Al is having these same challenges as J. Life just isn’t quite coming together for him. some of it is these tough times we live in as well. Hard enough to get a job if you have no strikes against you. Anyway, thanks for the post. Glad you’re here.

  8. notmyboy says:

    I will never forget seeing my son in shackles in the courtroom. My first thought was, Don’t they know he doesn’t belong here? and my second thought was, Oh my god, he looks like he belongs here!

    i told my son his ENTIRE LIFE, “You are who you hang with!” Too bad he chose not to listen to me.

  9. Syd says:

    I think that if J. stays on the straight course of sobriety and drug free, time will change how he is viewed by himself and others. It will be his deeds over the long term that indicate what course he chooses in life. Every day that he stays clean is another day in which he and those around him can rebuild trust. Whether you trust him “ever” again is not something I would think about. “Ever” and “never” are God words–we just do one day at a time.

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