When I set up boundaries they are for me. Inspiring change in the alcoholic or addict, is not up to me or even possible. So I need to either get with the picture or move on? Am I getting this right?
Excepting an addict or alcoholic for who he is, feels a little like I am feeding or condoning the problem. Is it that I do not have to accept the behaviors, as long as I set up proper boundaries? So I can choose to live with an alcoholic, love him but draw the line at some behaviors? This will actually work? People live happily after together with out the alcoholic ever getting help or changing?
Sorry, to some of you this may sound simple or obvious but I really am just trying to work this out in my own head. Seeing your own child deal with addiction is painful, but the boundaries are much clearer. I think this has to do with the traditional mother/child relationship that already exists.
Setting up boundaries for a spouse feels condescending and I guess it makes me feel like his mother not his wife. Does this make any sense?