HEY! An epiphany of sorts…

My little one is going to skateboard camp in the morning. I am soooo excited for him. He is very athletic but not terribly into sports. We have done football, soccer, karate and  several other things that I can’t think of at the moment. He is actually very good at all of them and definitely athletic. He is amazing at football and can throw a perfect spiral a great distance and catch it too! However, he does not like ANY of those activities. I really want to find something that he falls in love with because it will be very important to him as he gets older to excel at something. You see he has dyslexia and is still not reading much. He is very smart, his IQ is in the superior range but he is definitely a kid who learns differently. School is a struggle and probably will always be for him. Looking at him you would never think he had a learning disability, he looks like a white blonde little surfer dude… I think it will be so important to find something that he can be proud of and will occupy his time. Keep him out of trouble…I  know famous last words but, low self-esteem puts him at risk for all sorts of problems. I want him to have something that is fun for him and that he is good at!

After having said all that…I got to thinking about the sport of skateboarding. Sadly, it does not have a great reputation of being a clean drug free sport. My little one is only 8 and he may not end up liking this sport either but it really makes me think? Is this the sport we want to invest in?

My daughter has always said there are Football players that smoke pot every day and Lacrosse players getting drunk at every party they go to. I wish there was a way to drug proof your child. You know what I mean? It did work for my daughter, she was a very serious competitor.  At the high point in her career she was working out 22 hours a week at gymnastics. She was busy and she made good choices but really I think that it was just an intrinsic personality trait… to work hard for something you want and to do well. I don’t really know that it had a damn thing to do with me? LOL

So maybe bad choices didn’t have anything to do with me either! Hey, an epiphany of sorts!

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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13 Responses to HEY! An epiphany of sorts…

  1. beachteacher says:

    yes….your son’s addiction is NOT your fault,…any more than you can take all the credit for your daughter’s tenacity and hard work and good choices. You see…I also have an addict son and a daughter who worked out those same hours in gymnastics and excelled academically and made good choices. And one more son too….who was somewhere in the middle of them. There are just so many factors involved that shapes who they become. I say…thank God it wasn’t all because of me,…that’s a good thing.

    And by the way….has your son been evaluated and/or treated for ADD/ADHD ? I’ve never taught a dyslexic kid who didn’t have it…although have seen many whose ADD was initially not recognized due to the focus on the dyslexia issues….by the school.

    • madyson007 says:

      Yes, he does indeed have ADHD as well but my husband is adamantly apposed to medicating him but I am at the point that I may medicate him with out my husbands consent. I really don’t want to do that but it is compounding the dyslexia problem. Reading is hard for him so getting him to have the sustained attention span that is needed to learn something that is difficult is TORTURE for all involved.

      I understand my husbands reluctance to want to medicate his son but I have seen it change children’s lives. Just another way J’s addiction has impacted others in the family.

  2. Cheri says:

    You had the same epiphany my husband and I had … we couldn’t take credit for the good choices our girls made, so why did we think we had to take responsibility for the bad ones our sons made? We are each given a free will, and we each make the choice to use it how we decide. We are responsible for our own choices, not anyone else’s. It was very freeing to finally get that.

    Love and hugs coming your way,
    Cheri

  3. Annette says:

    My husband says, “We take no blame and we take no credit.” lol

  4. Lou says:

    In our case, skateboarding was all the druggies. It was part of their culture where we live, but I don’t know about other places. In retrospect (ha!) the Dad and I say we would have thrown the skateboard (and the baggy pants and the rap music) in the trash. But from what I read, Tony Hawk is not a drug addict. Also I work for orthopedists, and I see a horrific skateboard fracture at least once a week. Many more fractures than from the runner up-downhill skiing.

    PS my husband was dyslexic back in the day when there was no name for it. He was actually put into a school for “slow” kids. It was not until the 6th grade, a very special teacher realized he could not read, and took the time to teach him. My husband says he will never forget that man, because of course my husband did not know what was wrong. He thought he was just stupid. He struggled all his life with school, and didn’t go to college till he was 31. But these days..he reads everything!

  5. onemomtalking says:

    Thanks, everyone – I needed this! “No blame/No credit” is a good credo.

  6. notmyboy says:

    It’s funny you mention skateboarding. The kids at my son’s junior high school that skateboarded were rumored to be big party-ers (who knew that wasn’t a word?). My son was NOT allowed to go to our local skate park. It was constantly being vandalized, etc. My son did not skate board, nor party in junior high school.

    Fast forward…my son is a recovering heroin addict. Those skateboard kids are (mostly) clean and in college. There are one or two that went south, but the rest are living normal lives. My son found what he wanted despite my best efforts to stop him.

    Like you, I have a daughter who excelled in school (heading to college in two weeks, yikes), committed herself to varsity basketball and good, clean friends. I have a younger son who is yet to be determined. He tends to idolize his older brother, which scares the living you-know-what out of me.

    • madyson007 says:

      My daughter is heading to college in two weeks too! I am in total denial. My youngest also idolizes his oldest brother but there is such an age difference I am not exactly sure what he knows about J. Thanks for the skateboard story…we will give it a try and see how HE feels about it. We have a local indoor skate park practically around the corner. It would be easy to keep an eye on him for the time being.

  7. This is THE MOST important lesson you will learn during the course of this disease. And one that took me many years to figure out. I’m glad you did too!!

    Didn’t CAUSE it, can’t CURE it. I’m sure you’re a wonderful mom!

  8. Barbara says:

    I hope the little guy likes skateboarding. I know how hard it is for a kid like him to be smart but struggle with a learning issue – Keven has dysgraphia which is the inability to write well. He can read all day long, but he can’t write well, he still struggles and it makes him look like he’s not very bright, which was a huge self esteem issue.

    ALL SPORTS HAVE DRUGS. There is no escaping that. All you can do is keep talking to him as he gets older and warn him how horrible his life could be if he gets involved with drugs.

    I think its a very important lesson to learn, and it took me a long time: you just can’t take the blame or the credit, we do our best and the rest is up to nature and choices they make! You’re a good mom.

  9. beachteacher says:

    Madyson,…if you would be willing….I’d like to e-mail you. Mine is SCote23924@aol.com

  10. Lou says:

    there are substance abusers, and there are addicts. They are different. Substance abuse is someone who abuses drugs with negative consequences. They will stop after awhile. Addiction is a chronically relapsing disease. It is much more serious, and requires life long changes.

    It has nothing to with skateboarding, although peer pressure can play a part in starting use.

    I don’t mean to sound harsh, but if a person is an addict, nothing is going to stop them.

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