I was going to wait to post until I felt less self-conscious but I literally feel like I am going to burst! What the heck was I thinking when I posted I was going to walk away from my blog? Thank goodness you all talked some sense into me…but even if you didn’t I would not have been able to help myself.
J went to see a band over the weekend. Alcohol was offered at the dinner/bar/band place. Each person entering after 10:00pm was asked to provide identification proving you were 21 upon entering. So each person in his group took out there I.D. and presented it to the doorman. Well, when it was J’s turn the doorman took his I.D. looked at it and said “This is not your I.D”.???? J was flabbergasted but politely asked him to look again. The man looked and said, ” That is not you” and placed J’s license in his back pocket. J said he needed his I.D. back and the man said “No this is not you, do you want me to call the cops”? J said yes that might be a good idea because it was him and he needed his license back.
Now, WTF? Does my son have a glowing light over his head saying “I am on probation, mess with me cause I want to get into more trouble…” The cops came and said …well, I don’t know if this looks like you? If we run your license we aren’t going to find you have an older brother now are we?” J said, “No officer that is really me. I am possibly flying out to see my grandparents and I will need my I.D. for the plane.” The cops said “Ok, we will run your license”. 5 minutes later: “Please put your hands behind your back there is a warrant out for your arrest!”
Oh, for the love of god, can this kid catch a break. When J finished all of his court stuff he was convicted in two different counties, court for both issues was remanded to the one county we live in. All fines were to paid through probation in the county we live in. Only I guess one county did not talk to the other county and an arrest warrant was issued for unpaid fines in the other county. So, he is handcuffed in front of a crowd of people and in front of ALL of his “good friends” and dragged away. Once he was in jail they contacted the other county and then that county said “Oops I guess we are wrong”. It is on court record how his fines were to be paid. WTF????? Does he have an L stamped on his forehead.
I swear if one of you tells me this is all part of his consequences I am going to scream because he has followed all requirements to the letter, going to probation, paying his fines and trying desperately to get on with his life. When does he get to live a normal life? He is having trouble getting a job, without a job he can not pay his fines, without paying his fines he can not get a driver’s license, without a license he can’t get a good enough job to pay his fines…I could go on but you get the picture. If society does not want addicts to be sick then PLEASE HELP THEM FIND THEiR WAY! NOT ALL ADDICTS ARE HOPELESS. WE CAN NOT JUST MAKE THEM PAY FOR THE REST OF THEIR ENTIRE LIVES!
He was required to take a driver’s education course. That sounds like a fair consequence for losing your license except it was $230.00 for a bunch of people who have no way to get there and no jobs because they have no cars and of course no money to pay for the course because they have no jobs… and on and on it goes.
He literally cried all the way home from the Police Station. He asked, “Mom, I know I messed up but when do these consequences end how does anyone ever get past them and really succeed in any meaningful way? Is my life over? Is this all I can expect?” I really did not know what to say. We both just cried. It was really one of the saddest moments in a long time. Any words of wisdom? What is the lesson in this?