Warrant for J’s arrest…

I was going to wait to post until I felt less self-conscious but I literally feel like I am going to burst! What the heck was I thinking when I posted I was going to walk away from my blog? Thank goodness you all talked some sense into me…but even if you didn’t I would not have been able to help myself.

J went to see a band over the weekend. Alcohol was offered at the dinner/bar/band place. Each person entering after 10:00pm was asked to provide identification proving you were 21 upon entering. So each person in his group took out there I.D. and presented it to the doorman. Well, when it was J’s turn the doorman took his I.D. looked at it and said “This is not your I.D”.???? J was flabbergasted but politely asked him to look again. The man looked and said, ” That is not you” and placed J’s license in his back pocket. J said he needed his I.D. back and the man said “No this is not you, do you want me to call the cops”? J said yes that might be a good idea because it was him and he needed his license  back.

Now, WTF? Does my son have a glowing light over his head saying “I am on probation, mess with me cause I want to get into more trouble…” The cops came and said …well, I don’t know if this looks like you? If we run your license  we aren’t going to find you have an older brother now are we?” J said, “No officer that is really me. I am possibly flying out to see my grandparents and I will need my I.D. for the plane.” The cops said “Ok, we will run your license”. 5 minutes later: “Please put your hands behind your back there is a warrant out for your arrest!” 

Oh, for the love of god, can this kid catch a break. When J finished all of his court stuff he was convicted in two different counties, court for both issues was remanded to the one county we live in. All fines were to paid through probation in the county we live in. Only I guess one county did not talk to the other county and an arrest warrant was issued for unpaid fines in the other county. So, he is handcuffed in front of a crowd of people and in front of ALL of his “good friends” and dragged away.  Once he was in jail they contacted the other county and then that county said  “Oops I guess we are wrong”. It is on court record how his fines were to be paid. WTF????? Does he have an L stamped on his forehead.

I swear if one of you tells me this is all part of his consequences I am going to scream because he has followed all requirements to the letter, going to probation, paying his fines and trying desperately to get on with his life. When does he get to live a normal life? He is having trouble getting a job, without a job he can not pay his fines, without paying his fines he can not get a driver’s license, without a license he can’t get a good enough job to pay his fines…I could go on but you get the picture. If society does not want addicts to be sick then PLEASE HELP THEM FIND THEiR WAY! NOT ALL ADDICTS ARE HOPELESS. WE CAN NOT JUST MAKE THEM PAY FOR THE REST OF THEIR ENTIRE LIVES!

He was required to take a driver’s education course. That sounds like a fair consequence for losing your license except it was $230.00 for a bunch of people who have no way to get there and no jobs because they have no cars and of course no money to pay for the course because they have no jobs… and on and on it goes.

He literally cried all the way home from the Police Station. He asked, “Mom, I know I messed up but when do these consequences end how does anyone ever get past them and really succeed in any meaningful way? Is my life over? Is this all I can expect?” I really did not know what to say. We both just cried. It was really one of the saddest moments in a long time. Any words of wisdom? What is the lesson in this?


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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20 Responses to Warrant for J’s arrest…

  1. Momma says:

    Sheesh, I really don’t know what the lesson is… it really sucks. Was it because he looked so bad when the ID photo was taken or something? My first thought was SH*%*T happens, even if you do everything right. My second thought was… consequences are far reaching and long lasting. I know you said you would scream if someone said anything about consequences… sorry.

    Chin up to both of you.

    Btw, what is a normal life? Cuz, I don’t think my son will ever have that, at least the normal life I used to think of. Maybe there is a different normal for him. Doesn’t mean he can’t be successful, and that he can’t be happy.

    He will get through this, you will too. Hang in there.

    Thinking of you.

    • madyson007 says:

      I think he looks different because he has gained weight. He no longer has that grey, hollow look of an addict about him. He looks tan and healthy from working at landscaping. BUT You can still tell it is him from the picture.

  2. Ron Grover says:

    It’s not J’s fault, I have found the same with the “system” here in Kansas too. Tell J just like I have told Alex. It’ not an easy road back but every single bump is just part of the road and every inch of that road back is worth worth it. People can do many things to your, people can think whatever they want, but the real truth is nothing matters except what you feel inside.

    One thing I told Alex when dealing with fines, courts etc., get receipts, carry them with you if you can and do what you can to escape situations even if you are right less contact is less trouble.

    Please don’t feel I am dropping it all on J but it’s the same everywhere.

  3. madyson007 says:

    The “I will scream” part of my post is just a little dramatic license…after all I wouldn’t be me without it. LOL but seriously… I feel for our children. Praying doesn’t feel like enough anymore. I have heard of a former recovering addict who started a business helping convicted felons of non-violent crimes find jobs. A headhunter of sorts. I think opening a business is a felon’s best option. I think I will blog about it at one point.

  4. Dawn says:

    Wow that does suck but, Ron had some good advice. I’m sorry but my experience with the legal system(s) has not been good either and I have little faith in it. Hopefully J will keep his head up and keep on trying. It’s a tough time to be looking for a job right now for anyone!

  5. i know it has taken me years to get past the stigma of courts. i have been clean for almost 7 years now and it still haunts me at times. my nephew is heading this road well traveled in my family now. he has been in and out of jail since he was 16 and he is 21 now. ron is right kansas court systems suck, this is all from one time being caught with weed. 5 years now.

    bless his heart though unlike your son he isn’t doing himself any favors. he just doesn’t get it. he won’t get it and he tells everyone to ‘f’ off, including the judge. so he is in prison now. a felon now because he couldn’t tow the line. see for every addict that finally gets it there are thousands that don’t. we can’t save them all and it sucks because we all get grouped together in the end.

    a fellow addict and friend of mine has a business in georgia i think it is called bridging the gap. i think you can look it up if you put it all together and add .com or .org at the end of it. they help felons who are out of the system, see his son was in trouble but the only programs they had out there were for teenagers, well some people don’t get it until they are 21 or older and those guys get thrown on the street. well this bridging the gap foundation finds work for felons, addicts who can’t find work because no one is willing to hire them. look for foundations similar to that in your area. i know that J goes to meetings, have him share about it if he is looking for work, a lot of times there are ‘long timers’ there who get newcomers work, they either know someone or they themselves are construction business owners. other than that all i know is this too shall pass. you guys are in my prayers. glad you didn’t quit.

  6. Lou says:

    Of course, Andrew is in the same situation. When you don’t pay the fines in a timely manner, guess what, they put a fine on top of the fine. It’s very difficult to work your way out from under.

    While he was on probation he literally didn’t leave the house, he was so afraid he would get stopped for something and go back to prison. He is off probation now, but he is extremely cautious about where he goes. He won’t go to concerts/clubs/ anywhere with liquor or drugs at all.

    Anyway, all I can say is keep plugging away at the fines, the license, the job. Being clean and sober really does make steady progress forward, even if it doesn’t always seem that way.

  7. onemomtalking says:

    I completely relate. Completely. I don’t have wisdom, except that we stand with our kids when they’re doing the work they need to do, and give them moral support. It’s SO HARD! And if it’s hard for us, it’s so much harder for them. I tell my boys the same general message Lou posts in his reply, “Whatever obstacles come your way, being clean and sober will get you through and you *will* make progress.” Sorry that this happened. He’s lucky to have you on his side though. That’s one positive thought 🙂

  8. Barbara says:

    Now I understand what you were referring to in the comment you left me today. I wish it were different, its seems like when they need encouragement they often end up feeling defeated. J has a mother who understands and that’s a lot.

    I love what your friend is doing – finding jobs for felons! Its a genius idea because if he can present the felon to the employer and say “look, this person is going to work twice as hard as some of your employees because they appreciate it more.” Also I think employers can get a tax break for hiring them.

    I think Keven would be a good entrepreneur, he sure did good at his weed selling business the year he was 17. (ugh) When people ask me why he’s driving a Cadillac CTS-V and I am driving a hand me down ten year old Toyota…..I never know what to say 😦

    If you need to scream, I will scream with you cause I sure could use a good one. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Dee Dawson says:

    My son is having a really hard time finding a job as well. Pretty much any job will do at this point. it’s very disappointing for them to feel so…what’s the word…un-needed and unwanted.

    So sorry to hear about another warrant for your son. This is where those new coping skills are being put to the test.

  10. Lou says:

    thanks for your thoughts, all of you, but I have to clear this up..I’m a MOM, not a man…LOL

    Lou is my “blogging name” I had a blog for a long time when my son was in active addiction, and we came up with the name Lou.

    Funny story: I commented on a blog one time (this woman is no longer blogging). Her husband saw the name “Lou”, thought I was a man, and went ballistic with jealousy!. OMG, he wrote this long comment about me being after his wife….:)

  11. Lou says:

    PS, I just noticed you have my old blog that got hijacked on your sidebar. Could you put my new URL on ..pls

  12. Renee C says:

    I am so sorry he had to go through this. I hope he finds someone that will give him a chance. I am so happy that you did not give up your blogging and I truly hope we can meet someday. I would love to bring my daughter(if she would be willing) and maybe she can inspire J. in some way. They sure have alot in common. She was lucky someone gave her a chance. Hugs to you and J.

  13. Syd says:

    My first thought was “what was J. thinking being at a bar after 10 PM?” I know that is none of my business, but it seems like a lapse in good judgment to be on probation and hanging out at a bar late. I guess without being right there, you won’t know what the reason was for his license being held by the doorman. If it were me, I would avoid those situations where I might get into trouble.

    As for the legal system, it is overwhelmed. Mistakes happen, people slip through the cracks. There are many broken things in this country right now. And it will be hard to get a job when there are people who are not felons trying desperately to get work so that they can save their homes from foreclosure, take care of their family, etc. Unemployment is the highest ever. But where there is willingness, there will be a way. If he applies for a lot of jobs, hopefully he will get a call. These are difficult times. Hang in there.

  14. Jackie says:

    I’m with Syd. No good comes of being in recovery and hang out in that venue at that time.

    I think the lesson, for all of us in recovery, is that the lessons linger on for a very, very long time. Trust disappears, courts make mistakes, debt is hard. Just because we are doing what we are supposed to do, it doesn’t make the trust return, the courts better or the debt disappear.

    So, you clean up the mess and you move on. You don’t do anything that will cause more trust to disappear, courts to be more suspicious or debt to multiply.

    Also, you don’t complain. You do the next indicated thing. Because complaining leads to resentments and we all know where that gets us.


  15. madyson007 says:

    I think you are both right. Complaining does not aid n anyones recovery and just keep swimming is a good mantra. I hope J and myself for that matter, have the maturity to do that.

  16. Jeff says:

    Am I the only one outraged at what happened here? Yeah, J screwed up for a long time and I would be the first to point that out and hold him accountable. But, enough already, this was NOT J’s screw up, it was the officials!!!! What if this mistake happened to any of you and you were hauled away due to a mistake like this? How would you feel about that? His rights were violated, he was arrested without cause and then it’s only “oops, sorry, our bad, we made a mistake.” The thing is, having worked in and around all of this, mistakes like this are not the exception – they are the rule! This sort of crap goes on all the time – often due to city and county officials who suck at their job. Again, I ask, what if this was one of you and was a traffic ticket that you had paid but it was not recorded properly and you were hauled away? How PO’d would you be? It is not at all right to say or even think, “well if J didn’t have the fine in the first place this would not have happened.” No, no, no, no no!!!!!! If this over-paid county worker had not screwed up at their job this would not have happened. Let’s hold the correct people/person accountable here – and it most certainly is not J.

    Really, honestly, is there any better reason why no one trusts the government anymore? And this crap goes on, on a daily basis in every city in America.

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