The job hunt is not going well…

and things are reaching a desperation point. Any idea’s? He is trying hard at all but he only has until August 1st!  The problem is…I don’t think he believes us. I offer to drive him around so he can fill out applications and drop them off but he refuses and I will be damned if I drag him out. ANYTHING that I make my problem means NOTHING to him.

Can I ask you AlaNon-er’s out there to answer a question? I am considering going to meetings but I am confused. What is the difference between a “Step Meeting” , “Tradition Meeting” and a “Discussion Meeting”? Can you tell me how each meeting goes. Like the start, middle and end? Which one do you think I should go to?? Does it matter?

About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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10 Responses to The job hunt is not going well…

  1. onemomtalking says:

    Not sure what you mean by “not sure he believes us.” Did you give him a deadline of August 1 to get a job? If he was putting in effort, I could see extending that. It’s such a tough place to be. But you’re right that you cannot do it for him, nor should you drag him out, as you say. I’m so sorry. I know how it is to be in this place. At rehab they told us not to nag on things like this. A gentle reminder, and then as much as possible, leave it be and just pray. I wish I had a better answer. But I’ll be praying for you. :-/

  2. cy says:

    Al Anon, like AA, is based on the 12-steps (and they also have a list of twelve traditions.)

    At a step meeting, there is usually some readings on one of the steps, and then discussion on that step. So, for example, someone might read about step 1: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol–that our lives had become unmanageable”—-and then read something from some of the Al-Anon literature and then the group would discuss it.

    The traditions are a little more “advanced” but it’s the same format.

    The discussion meeting would probably focus people telling their experiences, although that would happen at all the meetings.
    For me, it is the experience of people sharing their stories that is the most important, I’ve almost always gotten something out of every meeting, whatever the format.

    Maybe your son will find out that you are serious about your deadline–and I hope he does find a job. At the very least, he’ll learn about consequences—right? *sigh*

    I do think it’s something you can’t control. I can’t control my son. He understands things when he finally understands them. I really agree with what you said, “ANYTHING I make my problem means NOTHING to him.”
    (I guess I didn’t understand that, no matter how many people said it, until I finally understood it. I think I had to live out the consequences many, many times.)

  3. beachteacher says:

    ugh…I know how this stuff is….it can drive you nuts when you’re there in the same house, watching him get nothing done day after day when he has so much time in which to do so. It’s maddening. Meanwhile…do you think he’s depressed ? If so,..this inability to get going on what he needs to do could be a symptom of it…very much so, and need medical treatment. Or…by the way, does he have ADD/ADHD, and if so, is he treated for that ? That could also be a huge issue in this if he is. And finally..yes,.addict like behaviors, for sure. Is he going to meetings….most of all, does he have a sponsor ?

  4. Lou says:

    Alanon will help you! You don’t have to say a thing if you don’t want to, it is the acceptance of people who know EXACTLY what your life is like that helps. Most people there for the 1st time are crying..and no one thinks that’s weird. Not all meetings are the same, some have a better vibe than others. Just like churches have different vibes, Alanon groups have different vibes. You may have to try a few meetings to find the best fit, but I always hear something useful in any meeting. It’s like the blogs, but face to face.
    Step work is for changing YOU, and how you handle the people around you. Most people are in alanon awhile before they start that. My meeting breaks up into tables, one will be a step table where people talk about what that step means to them in their lives. Another table will talk about guilt, another about fear, etc.

    I have been reading your blog, and I think it would help you. Not only with your son, but your relationship with your husband.

    PS It is not your concern whether he is going to meetings, has a sponsor, etc. You are not the recovery police. Alanon teaches us to live our own lives. Not that you can’t talk to him like an adult about your concerns, but it is not your “job” to keep him sober. It’s impossible to do that for another human being anyway, or all of us parents would have done it a long time ago.

  5. Momma says:

    I think you should try Al anon too. Even if you decide it’s not for you, I would recommend that you try it. They say to give it at least 6-8 meetings before you decide if you like it, and to try different groups. I went for about 3 months, and then sort of quit, but I do not ever regret going for those months. It was such a comfort to know that I was not alone, and that I had someone to talk to. And they also have a lot of literature, in particular I liked to the daily reader, which was something I could spend 5 minutes reading every day, and then roll it around in my head for the next 24 hours…

    Try it…

  6. Dee Dawson says:

    While visiting my son at rehab last week I went to the BEST al-anon meeting. There were several family members of addicts in treatment with my son including wives, mothers, husbands, and even 2 amazing children (13 and 17). The leader – they called him Major Mike – was amazing, a recovering alcoholic who let everyone share a story and then discussed a topic for the evening. Unfortunately, this group is 3000 miles away from me, but I will try to find one similar. The point is – it may take time to find one that fits you. I have been to at least 1/2 dozen and keep looking…

  7. Barbara says:

    Great answers above about Al-Anon. I haven’t been to a lot of meetings but attended a parents group at Kev’s last rehab that was similar, but they let us talk to each other.

    As for the job thing. Around here so many places require you to fill out applications on line to find a job. Its not the same as the good old days where they could see you and like you in person.

    Someone gave me a list of places that hire lots of young people like J and K. I think it was local to my area but I am going to try and find it and see if they have info on other states, I think it was from a government agency and they had some very cool programs where they pay for on the job training. I’ll look for it tomorrow.

  8. Syd says:

    I hope that you will go. You may want to try the discussion meetings first and then the step or tradition meetings. Also, if there is a beginner’s meeting around, then go to that. I still go to three meetings a week. They really help me to detach and to understand myself better. Good luck!

  9. If he’s not motivated…like Lou said it’s not your job. I’ve been praying for you and your son!

  10. madyson007 says:

    Thanks for all the great advice and opinions…I feel a little better about going to a meeting

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