Is my husband an alcoholic? If you ask him he will say absolutely not and I think it would sound like this…
His rationale is:
- I go to work everyday and work many hours (and he really does)
- I provide for my family
- We go on family vacations
- We have a beautiful house
- I clean, cook and do laundry (and he really does…not all the time but he can be very helpful)
- We have nice cars
- I love you
- I am faithful
“WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME… I DESERVE A BEER, IT HELPS ME RELAX! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”
Makes perfect sense and sounds reasonable doesn’t it? He is not lying about any of his above mentioned attributes. On paper he looks like a DREAM. So why does everyone around him think there is a problem. Why are we all so unhappy. He can be all of the above but also:
- Verbally abusive and I am not talking about he “hurt my feelings stuff” I am talking about mean, nasty screaming with the intent to hurt until we cry and hide.
- Our family life revolves around his drinking
- Going out to dinner? They better serve alcohol
- Movies? Better be early in the day because they don’t sell beer at a theater
- Taking the kids out in the evening to whatever? I better make sure I can go because I do not want him drinking and driving
- Kids need to be picked up after an event…well that would be me because he has already started drinking
He seems to think that he is entitled to these behaviors because he is under a lot of stress and therefore needs a drink and we should all just take it. I am far from perfect. I spend to much time on the computer. I don’t pay the bills…so I don’t feel the stress of it as much. I am not as hard a worker as he is but I don’t know anyone who is. I spend to much money and I like our life to revolve around my kids. He likes our life to revolve around him.
I always say I will try harder at easing some of the stress and he always says he sorry for whatever tirade he went off on. This is obviously not working for either one of us because I can tell you my husband is NOT a happy man and either am I. Yet, life goes on like all this bull crap is normal and I think for a while we all thought it was. How can I expect things to be different?