Consequences for ones actions…

J is on the hunt for a job and has a good prospect lined up! It is with a sprinkler installation company. I would like to say he sought this job out all on his own but it was his grandpa who kind of got the ball rolling. J will still have to interview well and then if he gets it, we/he will need to figure out how to get there. I know many of you will consider this enabling but I really don’t know what the alternative answer is? There is no bus, no train with in walking or even with in a riding a bike distance. Taxi’s are expensive. We live in the “garden” part of the “Garden State”…you know like horses, fields, little town center. He can’t be independent and get an apartment if he doesn’t get a job first and make money! It is a vicious circle these addicts get themselves into.

Getting a job without a license = HARD. Paying back the fine for losing a license without a car = HARD. Buying a car with no money because you don’t have a license or a car= HARD. Being a convicted felon and applying for a job = HARD. Put all of those things together and It seems virtually impossible. I understand how addicts can return back to the street just to survive. They need a hand up not condemnation for the rest of their lives. How does society expect them to get on with there lives when they make it sooooooooooo very difficult.

I get that there are consequences for ones actions but how do we expect change and then make it virtually impossible for them to achieve it?

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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9 Responses to Consequences for ones actions…

  1. Ron Grover says:

    I understand completely what you are doing and I support it. When J is ready he needs a hand up.

    Think about it if J had some other debilitating disease and was in recovery what would you do?

    I helped Alex. He works in my plant. I am the plant manager. He is around clean people and good people. He has young role models that show him you can have fun and be happy without drugs. He is expected to work hard and probably gets less slack tan anyone else in the the whole shop.

    If someone wants to call it enabling then so be it. I actually look at what I am doing is teaching and he is being a good learner.

    We have to remember our child addicts may know about life in some strange perverted way but before they can get well inside they must learn about life as it is in the straight world too.

  2. Dee Dawson says:

    I also don’t think it’s enabling if he is in recovery and you are supporting his efforts during recovery. I agree there are few opportunities at this stage for him. Our children have become societies’ outcasts and it’s very hard for them to re-integrate.

  3. Lou says:

    I don’t get hung up on enabling any more. It seems that sometimes people use that word in whatever way they want to suit the occasion.

    As long as they are working toward a moral life, free of crime, and there is no drug use tolerated by you, you are not enabling, you are supporting (IMO).

  4. Renee C says:

    This is so true. Prayers on the way.

  5. Sherry says:

    I agree with the above comments. My son was in the same situation and I was there to help when he in recovery!

  6. Tori Lee says:

    I agree. I would help B if he was in recovery. He doesn’t have a license either, if a felon and covered in tat’s. I have been waiting for a time where he is ready to do the things he must do. I kind of think it is what I would of done when he was 16 but he was dropping out of school and hanging around the wrong crowd. So when some kids at 16-17 are starting to look for some work, and being guided by their Parents our son was not. He didn’t get the help that my Mom gave me when I started working. As long as your son is in recovery I don’t see how that is enabling him.

  7. Tori Lee says:

    I meant IS A FELON – and WOULD HAVE I really need to proof read before I hit that button.

  8. Dianne says:

    I agree with helping out when they are in recovery.

    We helped my daughter get her license back. But then she relapsed, lost it again and now after a few more rehabs, is back in recovery. This time around I don’t feel inclined to help her get it back a second time. To tell the truth this time around I don’t feel inclined to do much at all for her.

    She has either lost, given away or sold everything we ever gave her during her stints at recovery. This time around I don’t feel the need to help her out. I am raising her three children, that’s enough!

    The definition of “enabling” that helps me figure it out best is “doing anything for anyone that they are capable of doing for themselves and should be doing for themselves.” Sometimes it’s a tough call.

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