K’s dad has died…

I am so sad for him. K took on a lot of grown-up responsibility very quickly. He is the same age as J 21. Starting a business and paying your dad’s rent and car payments must have been so difficult…this poor kid went from zero to sixty in less than a year.  He is a kid who really turned his life around…he was a daily pot smoker at one time. Now he won’t even touch a drop of alcohol. I think watching your dad die of liver failure might do that to a person. I pray that he stays on track but he doesn’t really have a choice there is no one to rescue him. He is his own sole provider.

I really want J to rise to the occasion too…and in some respects he has. In other ways not so much. I sometimes feel like I have to explain and glorify all the things J has accomplished in a short time because my husband is so quick to point out what he has still not managed to do. Sometimes I do hear my husband but mostly I want to hold my ears, close my eyes and scream “La,la,la,la,la, I CAN”T HEAR YOU!” Childish, I know but who wants to hear over and over and over again what a loser J is.

J is dragging his feet on getting a new job. I new he would…it is such a J kind of thing to do. It requires effort and planning not something addicts (recovering or not) are particularly good at. If one fell in his lap tomorrow he would embrace it whole heartedly and work his butt off. Finding it? Pfffffttttt….not going to happen without a push from me. I am not quite sure this is enabling. I think I am just going to give him a date to have a job by and then give him some numbers to homeless shelters. Also, I am going to suggest he apply for emergency housing and public assistance. He can not live here and not work. That’s the bottom line and I guess from this whole damn mess I have learned one thing. J will take and take and take for as long as he is able. I will not make this easy, even if it means making him homeless. I hope he is smart and does the right thing because right now he is just being plain old stupid. He could take any 25-40 hour a week job and we would be absolutely fine with it. He seems to think he has time to find just the right thing…Ha! Guess what he doesn’t.

I am going to assume he won’t play “The Relapse Card”. Doing so would only infuriate me. J needs to become his own sole provider…if I have to throw him into the deep end, I will. Can I just add I still love him dearly. :o)

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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8 Responses to K’s dad has died…

  1. Dawn says:

    {{{cyber hugs}}}}

  2. Tori Lee says:

    I am sorry to hear about K’s Dad. That is young to lose your Parent.

    For J well, what is it with kids and jobs? My son is allergic to work. He can do it for a couple of weeks and get a lot of praise and then slowly the drugs start coming back (because he has money) but it isn’t enough so he adds on dealing at night, then can’t get up and then he is fired.

    That relapse card is a tough one but you are right, since he is sober he needs a swift kick to help him get a job. Giving him a date and consequences sounds like a great idea. Just be prepared to stick to it which I suck at although I am getting better! 🙂

    Good Luck.

  3. Barbara says:

    I am so sorry to hear about K’s dad. I hope J can get motivated to find a job. Does he know his dad thinks he’s a loser?

    • madyson007 says:

      Unfortunately, yes he does. My husband and I are continually getting into arguments about how he speaks to me but ESPECIALLY J. It is terrible. Hearing J has F’*ed up his life for good, loser…I have heard him call J a piece of garbage? WTF? I am so tired of duking it out with words non stop. I think I am going to record him so he can hear how disgusting he sounds. I am not sure he will EVER forgive J and if he can’t, I am not sure I can live with him any more.

  4. Jeff says:

    Wow! I mean, wow!!!! Two for two. You really are starting to get it here Mady! Good for you. He has until XX-XX-2011 to have a job or he has to find a new place to live. Nothing at all wrong with that – and in fact that is exactly the way I would do it. You have come a long way. Yeah, I know you are struggling but cut yourself some slack as well. You really are starting to get it.

  5. Your husband sounds similar to my husband. Although mine hasn’t come right out and said he’s a piece of garbage. He’s more passive aggressive in his comments, but they still cut as deeply as possible. I just call him “Debbie Downer” when he gets going like that, which he hates and it generally stops him and makes him think about what he’s doing. I agree though, it is VERY difficult to listen to all the time, and there have been times that I’ve thought about leaving too, but I really don’t want my son’s addiction to be the thing that breaks us up, so I won’t. Hubby is learning, slowly, to cut it out. I pray yours will too.

  6. Cheri says:

    Madyson,

    We are keeping J and all of you in our prayers. These are hard times, and the enemy would like nothing better than to finish you all off with them. Praying that God’s protection will over shadow each of you, and especially J, at this time.

    Hugs,
    Cheri and Wayne

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