I am so sad for him. K took on a lot of grown-up responsibility very quickly. He is the same age as J 21. Starting a business and paying your dad’s rent and car payments must have been so difficult…this poor kid went from zero to sixty in less than a year. He is a kid who really turned his life around…he was a daily pot smoker at one time. Now he won’t even touch a drop of alcohol. I think watching your dad die of liver failure might do that to a person. I pray that he stays on track but he doesn’t really have a choice there is no one to rescue him. He is his own sole provider.
I really want J to rise to the occasion too…and in some respects he has. In other ways not so much. I sometimes feel like I have to explain and glorify all the things J has accomplished in a short time because my husband is so quick to point out what he has still not managed to do. Sometimes I do hear my husband but mostly I want to hold my ears, close my eyes and scream “La,la,la,la,la, I CAN”T HEAR YOU!” Childish, I know but who wants to hear over and over and over again what a loser J is.
J is dragging his feet on getting a new job. I new he would…it is such a J kind of thing to do. It requires effort and planning not something addicts (recovering or not) are particularly good at. If one fell in his lap tomorrow he would embrace it whole heartedly and work his butt off. Finding it? Pfffffttttt….not going to happen without a push from me. I am not quite sure this is enabling. I think I am just going to give him a date to have a job by and then give him some numbers to homeless shelters. Also, I am going to suggest he apply for emergency housing and public assistance. He can not live here and not work. That’s the bottom line and I guess from this whole damn mess I have learned one thing. J will take and take and take for as long as he is able. I will not make this easy, even if it means making him homeless. I hope he is smart and does the right thing because right now he is just being plain old stupid. He could take any 25-40 hour a week job and we would be absolutely fine with it. He seems to think he has time to find just the right thing…Ha! Guess what he doesn’t.
I am going to assume he won’t play “The Relapse Card”. Doing so would only infuriate me. J needs to become his own sole provider…if I have to throw him into the deep end, I will. Can I just add I still love him dearly. :o)