I guess I am being overly dramatic…

J losing this job is a just a bump in the road, hopefully on the way to getting even a better job. I am and should be grateful that he is handling it well. It is my husband who does not handle these things well. It is just another excuse for him to berate his son. J will not look hard enough, long enough, in the right places, on the right day for a job blah blah blah…giving my husband the excuse to humiliate him. J will make this worse by not giving it his all because this is the stuff that is hard for J. Job interviews and explaining big gaps in his work history is hard for people with excellent social skills, let alone a recovering addict with just adequate social skills. J is also limited by transportation issues. We do not live in a town with buses, train or even taxi’s. It will fall back to him depending on us to get him some where, and I am ok with that but it will have to be on my terms. All of these factors make getting a job complicated at best. The landscaping job was like a dream come true…K would pick him up in the AM and drop him off in the PM. None of us should have taken that for granted.

I sometimes feel like I have a 5th child…my husband and it is not endearing AT ALL! His behavior can be so childish and selfish. I rarely recognize that I am also an enabler to my husband. I allow him to treat us poorly and except these behaviors that escalate when he drinks. The things is, I am not really sure how to change those things. The dynamics between a husband and wife seem much more difficult to navigate than a mom and child…(although that was pretty ugly too at times).

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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4 Responses to I guess I am being overly dramatic…

  1. Renee C. says:

    My heart goes out to you and I pray for you and your family that they can become stronger every day and heal. I feel like J is mirroring what my daughter went through. Last year when she was about 4 months clean and done with outpatient rehab she got what we thought was a dream part time job with chance for moving up and she kept it for approx 2-3 months then the other shoe dropped and they downsized the office and laid her off. I have to say I am not sure where my daughters strength comes from but when she got laid off she focused on her 12 step program and was fortunate to be able to sign up because she worked prior to going to rehab. This past January 1 year after she voluntarily went to rehab she landed a full time job in an advertising company. I am glad to say that she still has the job and her bosses are very impressed with her. We are all enablers in our own way but we need to set limits. She has a car because she purchased it prior to going to rehab and paid the payments. While in rehab I had to cover the payments but it was under the understanding that when she got a job she had to make them or the car would be mine. My name was on car loan therefore I was not going to ruin my credit as hers had been. Just know there are others out there who have walked in the path you are now on and are always there for you. Sounds like your husband needs help but we all know that until he realizes that there is nothing you can do about it except do not take abuse from him or enable him either. You are in my thoughts many days and I hope I have not rambled on. Remember to take care of yourself. 🙂

  2. Sherry says:

    Thanks for your sweet thoughts and prayers! My son also went through what you’re describing, but it has worked out. He’s in college full-time now instead of working. Everything Renee said concerning your husband is what I would say! (Hug)

  3. Tori Lee says:

    That is not being overly dramatic at all. I don’t have the same problems you do with your husband (drinking) but my husband is the step-Father to my son and that has always been an issue for ME! Now that our son together is 12 almost 13 I see he really doesn’t treat my son any different and if anything was way more patient with mine not ever wanting him to feel out of place. However, he expects things that my son is simply not capable of. He wants him to have a job yesterday (which in this economy coupled with tattoo’s all over and some that can’t be covered) isn’t easy. He thinks if he works all the problems will be solved. We do argue about that because I just want my son to go to rehab and work on getting better so he can get a job and live. It must be so difficult when your son is doing so well to have your husband berate him. I think I would go insane. Hang in there and keep being proud of your son! Prayers and hugs.

  4. Syd says:

    The way to stop the enabling with your husband is to not participate in his rantings. Leave the house. Walk out of the room. Get to an Al-Anon meeting. Find others who can provide support for you so that you realize that you don’t have to do this alone. The bullying behavior of alcoholics and addicts can make us crazy. I wrote a post on that yesterday.

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