Personal torture for them both…

I have been having trouble being that Glass Half-Full kind of gal…when I had that thought I remember writing a response to someone.

I responded to some wise advice Syd once gave me: “I always seem to inherently see the good in people. I am a “half-full glass” kind of girl. My husband is the exact opposite and he deals with this much differently than me. J longs for his fathers love and my husband withholds it as a form of punishment and personal torture for them both. It is so ugly and is a such a big source of stress in my life.”

I want J not to impact our family but no matter how hard you detach…he still does. The money that has been invested in him is done…we can not get it back. It infuriates my husband to see J spend money when it feels like we do not have any. My husband wants J to do penance for the rest of his life. I strangely see both points of view. Point 1- J trying to put it behind him and live! Point 2-My husband having anxiety over our debt which he can not contain and comes bubbling out and he lashes out at J.

My husband will not be able to unconditionally love J anymore and that makes me sad.


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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5 Responses to Personal torture for them both…

  1. Lisa says:

    Never say never! I recall a post about 4 weeks ago when you were giving up and all was lost with J. Now look how far things have come. People change and things happen to change them. Don’t give uP on your husband and J just yet!

  2. madyson007 says:

    you are so right…

  3. dawn says:

    sigh. i won’t ever unconditionally love my daughter again actually, i don’t love her anymore at all. sometimes, the pain is so great, it overwhelms the love. maybe if she was my only child, or if i wasn’t raising her kids now, or if my other kids hadn’t been still little, or if pigs flew and frogs rained….but sadly, for me, detachment with love was simply not possible. the damage she caused was too great. don’t be too hard on your husband, in our home, it is reversed. my dh still loves the junkie kid, i’m the one who can’t even stand to be in the same room with her and i gave birth to her.

    • madyson007 says:

      Maybe you are right….maybe I should be happy that he can conditionally love him at all. My husband’s pain seems so great too, that it is overwhelming the love.

  4. Syd says:

    Lost trust is hard to regain and requires major amends on the part of both parties. If those are heartfelt, then it is possible to love and even trust again. I hope that will be the case here someday.

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