I have no expectations of anything getting resolved…it is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends.
I have often asked my husband this question as we await our sons first demise with the courts (which is forethcoming I’m sure)…..can a parent go to a judge or an appointed lawyer (informally) and plead the condition and need for their son or daughter to receive probation/drug testing/rehab/jail time?? Do they listen to the concerns and suggestions from outside parties/family members confidentially?????
I am also awaiting my son’s court date in about ten days. Addiction is devastating but I have learned from years of enabling which I didn’t realize at the time because addicts can be so convincing and they will use again. It’s heartbreaking, frustrating and all your hopes of sobriety get kicked down when they do. I talked with an attorney who told me to find out a mailing address or fax number and send a letter to the judge. He said most judges and prosecutors would consider court ordered rehab especially since jails are overcrowded already. I realize your court date has already passed and I hope things turned out so that your son will get the help he needs. I hope the same thing for mine.
I hope the case moves at least a little bit forward tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you. Let us know the outcome…
To Lisa in the comment above: Yes, you can try. You most likely won’t be able to talk to the judge but you can talk to the Public Defender. Unfortunately they are usually overloaded with work and not able to give a lot of attention to each case, or even get to know them. Its worth a try, I did it once and had to kind of force myself on the guy but got him to listen. Unfortunately he was against my son from the moment he set eyes on him and even said to his face “I know your’e going to fail” (I witnessed it – he really said that!) And this was the guy that was suppose to be DEFENDING him. I broke down and paid for an attorney and its made a huge difference for the better.
Thanks Barbara! How did a paid lawyer help? Did he understand the issues and fight for probation and mandatory drug testing…or rehab? Or…just trying to figure out what options might be…I’m quite desperate for a miracle! Would love to remove him from the home but I don’t know why that has been such a challenge…
LISA – Sorry to but in but I just made a post about this same thing as I just went through it. Please go to my blog if you have a chance and see if that helps you at all. I would push for rehab no matter what. http://theaddictinmyhouse.blogspot.com/ I am still new at this and my son just got out of rehab on Friday and I sord-of in to sober living. Which could be an option for your son. Also, if you have any questions if i can help you I would be happy too. My email is Tori@ToriLee.com. Good Luck to you.
I will be with you in spirit. Just one step in front of the other is all you can do. I hope you find someone who can help you that has your son’s best interest and yours at heart.
Hugs to you
I’ll be praying that whatever happens in court tomorrow will be what is necessary to make an impact for the best in your son’s future (speaking in the big picture). I recently read something said by an addict in recovery, “Never deny an addict his pain.” These words were very powerful for me. It’s only when the pain suffered from their addiction gets so bad that they can’t take anymore, can any change occur.
To Lisa, I believe you can write a letter to the judge…I would call the attorney on the case and ask if this is the best way to go about it in your county. I believe we have another blogger that did it this way. Best of luck to you!!
You just never know what will help our addicts. I know how hard it is to keep faith I have very little myself and just keep taking it day by day. Hang in there. I go to Court with mine on the 25th and I hope for your Child and mine that they are at least understanding enough to allow them to get the help they need. I guess we don’t really know what that is do we? Well, I am done writing cause clearly I am not being any help to you, but I will keep you in my prayers. Please update what happened.
NEVER deny an addict the pain of his/her addiction. They won’t ever learn unless they suffer consequences. Unfortunately for us parents, the consequences of using and all the behaviors that go along with using are usually jail. Still, it IS a consequence. You can certainly try to spare him this, but it won’t help him. It will only make YOU feel better, and that only for a short while, until he relapses again. Then, you will realize that you wasted your time, and money. But, don’t feel guilt if you do it, we all did at first 😉
Ok the only current charge my son has is leaving the scene of an accident (insurance was retro cancelled night before) so he has a 5100 bill from the plaintiff’s ins company he will need to make payments on WHEN he ever gets a job…she is also suing for some damages. He came to house and waited for police because he was scared. I don’t think he was high but was sure on his way to get some! Sooo charge is only leaving scene…is this a strong enough charge to get involved and tell judge his issues or is this a little premature to involve the court and blabber and give him this reputation now?
Lisa – I tried for a long time to get my son arrested because I thought it was the only chance we had for Court Ordered rehab which is the ONLY way he was going to go as . My son had warrants for unpaid tickets and I was worried he would get thrown in jail but that if there were no drugs rehab would be out of the question. I am in LA and I spoke with a couple of Attorneys and Police Officers and they all told me if he gets caught for the tickets STILL tell the Public Defender and/or DA (the DA really helped us with my son because we told her we wanted him locked up and she immediately agreed to Court ordered rehab) even though the DA originally wanted him in jail she also understood that he would detox in jail and his behaviour was all based around drug use. Why do you care about his reputation? Him getting arrested has been the best thing. I don’t know if he will stay sober but for now he is and he is having a chance to live drug free and learn the tools to do it. I tried to see if you had a blog to get try to figure out if he is using and what but I couldn’t find one for you.
His charge of leaving scene of accident has been pushed out till April. I would now need to convince my husband to allow this letter to be written as he is not convicted of anything to do with under the influence etc and this would bring hiss addiction to light to the court. This is a criminal charge that his appointed lawyer feels will only bring him community service or fine as a first offense. Should we still push and send letter? Not at all sure what to do ….never seem to have the answers when it comes to him these days!
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