I am tightly wrapped and trying to look calm. I hope I am succeeding but I am not so sure. I do know there is not enough make up in the world to cover my dark circles. I need sleep but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. J comes home tomorrow. Why can it not be a joyous occasion filled with hope and promise of a new beginning. I feel so jaded. I need him to understands that actions speak louder than words because I have heard it all before. “This time is different”, “Never again, I promise”, “Just having a drink with dinner” “I am 21 years old treat me like an adult” and “I didn’t sleep last night so don’t bother me…”, “No really, I am fine …I just need to sleep” “I am depressed, I can’t get out of bed” “I will look for a job tomorrow” and on and on and on. I live in a house filled with empty promises and many excuses. Will this time be different?
<Hours later> I am editing to add: Boy do I sound whiney. I think it was Dawn who once told me to pick myself up by my big girl panties…and get on with it or something like that. I still chuckle when I think of it. I am going to get on with it. I just need one really good night sleep and I think I really will feel much better.