My daughter surprised us with a set of CD’s that she had made from all of our old home video’s for Christmas. This weekend she picked them up and we all sat around the TV watching their childhood unfold before our eyes. My husband and I were both mesmerized. The first CD that came up was of J waking up at 3:00 am on christmas morning and discovering a ride on jeep wrapped in a big red bow under the christmas tree. His eyes were wide with wonder and my husband’s voice was so tender and filled with love when he showed him his gift and whispered “Shhh…it’s 3:00 in the morning, it’s just you and me J, the girls are sleeping …Merry Christmas and I love you”. It was like my husband couldn’t remember a time when he unconditionally loved J and we both dissolved into tears.
We both studied the screen and looked to see if we could see the ominous times that were to come…but all I saw was the little boy I have loved so dearly all my life. My husband struggles everyday to love his son…good times have been replaced by some truly horrible memories. It took a video for my husband to remember that J was someone he really did adore and love at one time. I am hoping he can reconcile these memories. You see to my husband, to love J is to forgive him and he is just not ready to do that. I hope one day soon he will be able to do that and will realize that forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting all the bad decisions J has made but realizing you can still love at the same time.
This is by far the most emotional post I have ever written…I am not really sure why?