J has been admitted into rehab. It has been an emotionally draining week and getting him to rehab yesterday was just the straw that broke this camels back. J was released from the hospital on Thursday. He looked very good and clear-headed and accepted that he was heading to rehab. He knew he would be admitted the following day so we allowed him to come home for the night because the hospital would not keep him. He went to bed on Thursday night upset that he was saying good-bye to his girlfriend for the last time, because she is moving to another state… but said he was ready to get better and stay clean. I went to work and he was still sleeping. He has no car, no money and no friends but still managed to be totally high when I got home ala dealer delivery! Who knew there was such a thing? It was so damn disrespectful and disappointing. I knew it was a mistake to think he was on his way to recovery, because to see him so obviously high and have to spend 3 hours in the car with him was disgusting, quite frankly.
In my head I went through all the scenario’s A) I could tell him get out of my house and get your own ride. B) I could drop him off at a mission/shelter C) I could drop him off at rehab. All of them kind of stunk because it ultimately involved me making it happen. Enabler I am… We live in middle suburbia, he literally would just sit at the bottom of my driveway if we forced him out of the house and as much as a dealer may want J’s last few dollars I doubt they would want him to live with them. Dropping him off at a shelter??? well I might as well just drop him at the rehab. My oldest daughter said “Mom, what did you expect, of course he is going to get high before he goes to rehab…ya know one for the road”. YUCK…I did not expect that but his sister has no as in zero expectations for her brother now. Silly me.
The drive was treacherous it was snowing he needed to be there before 8:00. A trip that was suppose to take 2 and a half hours took three and a half hours each way. It was in the middle of know where of course and it was snowy dark and scary when we got there. He was emptying his pockets as we were pulling in…WTH? I was so angry I did not even say goodbye. I handed the person who met us at the gate his bag, got back in my car and drove away. I felt dirty. There were other things that happen that I really don’t want to rehash because the whole thing was pretty upsetting. It was not at all how I imagined it…ya know me saying “This is it J, I know you can do it and I love you.” Honestly love was not an emotion that I was feeling. I need to stop watching fantasy TV or I just suck in the supportive parent department.