This is my rock bottom…

I realize now when I go back and read my last post, it could be interpreted as me being ridiculously naive. I was quoting J’s exact words, I was not stating a fact so everyone relax…I do not think that this is the ultimate  answer to my prayers and all of J’s problems have been solved. I appreciate all of your concerns but I am not that oblivious anymore…I kind of liked it when I was.

I went to visit J and got there a little late because it took me a while to find the location, which in hindsight was a good thing. I spent about 35 minutes with J listening and talking. Of course when I got there he had changed his tune and wanted to come home and cried hysterically. It was horrible. He is in a lock down psych ward make no mistake about it. These are very ill and disturbed people. If this isn’t his rock bottom I don’t know what is. He started to try and bargain with me…it was a little bit pathetic. I had on my face of steel and it wasn’t even that hard to do because if this isn’t his rock bottom it certainly is mine.

I gave him the phone number for his mental health/substance abuse insurance program. I told him I was not willing to call for him. I told him I was totally fine if was not ready to do that but he could not come home. If he wanted me to get a number for a homeless shelter, I could do that for him. He looked at me like I had horns coming out of my head, told me I didn’t love him and wanted to talk to dad. I actually laughed out loud. He new I was dead serious and wanted to move on to a new target…his dad. Poor thing new deep down inside he wasn’t going to get any where with his dad because he is not the weak link…I am. BUT NOT THIS TIME!

I have not heard from him today and I am not sure I expect to but I really hope he has pulled himself together.

Update: He called. I think he has excepted the inevitable. No calls have been made to rehab yet but only because he has not met with the doctor/clinician in charge of his case yet. Why is that? This place is truly awful.  I can’t help but think this will be a VERY memorable experience which is a good thing but, I am  a little bit scared for him. He has good insurance and I can not help but think there is no hurry for them to get him any where. So please say a pray that things move in the right direction.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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10 Responses to This is my rock bottom…

  1. Ron Grover says:

    J will try everything and everyone he can think of to keep his life of addiction.

    I thought Alex hit bottom time and time again but each time he was down he got up and went back to his old ways. That behavior caused me to think long and hard about what was he doing and what I was doing? What did all of this mean? Bottom, relapse, recovery how did this all relate to what I was experiencing and observing?

    I had a chance to think hard about the situation and come realize something I was waiting to happen wasn’t within my control and it wasn’t really what I had been told to look for either. After my reflection I wrote a piece about hitting bottom and how it relates to what I was observing and how it was affecting our family. If you are interested here is was I wrote and come to realize. Be sure to read the comments from others too as it relates to what you are experiencing with J.

    http://intervene.drugfree.org/2010/02/hitting-bottom-my-drug-and-alcohol-addiction-vocabulary-is-ever-changing/

    Hope this helps makes sense of what you are experiencing.

  2. VJ says:

    Yes, I will pray for you and J every day.

  3. HerBigSad says:

    my prayers continue for you and your son (and his dad). This is soooo hard. Your boundaries seem healthy to me, and I hope, and pray, that J will reach out for the help available to him. Hang on!!

  4. Dawn M. McCoy says:

    oh my. i will certainly pray that he has reached his bottom. it is fairly clear that you have, and it is a hard damn bottom to hit. i’m so sorry. but, movement implies forward motion, and forward motion implies a better day for tomorrow.

  5. Syd says:

    Thinking about you. I think that your boundaries are good. J. has to make some decisions. I hope for the right ones.

  6. Lisa Carp says:

    You remain in my heart and in my prayers.

  7. Renee C. says:

    I am sure this was the hardest thing you have ever done. As a mom, we only want to make it better for them but in this circumstance you know you cant. I am praying daily for him and for you and your family. I am hoping this is his bottom line and he gets the help he needs. Hugs to you!

  8. onemomtalking says:

    I know this was so hard. I am praying too. I don’t know what else to say. When my boys were at their bottom, I kept saying “Where there is life, there is hope.” Sometimes the words rang hollow. But they are true. God bless you all.

  9. beachteacher says:

    I’m so sorry…and I know how very painful this is. Like the others who have commented, you are in my daily prayers. Peace to you and good decisions for your son.

  10. Patti says:

    Lord…In Your infinite wisdom, grace and mercy we pray that You will wrap Your protective arms around this deserving, troubled soul wherever he is in this moment, and all the moments of his precious life…Prayers lifted unto You, our infinite and all-powerful Healer, that this child, Your child, will be encompassed in that peace-giving, unshakable faith that You are ever present…ever standing gaurd in his darkness. Heavenly Father…that the power of Your Holy Spirit will fall upon and deeply stir those hearts and minds around this child…compelling and calling them to seek Your will in such a way that will serve to banish and extinguish anxiety, fear, pride and anger…that these dark-making things, serving confusion, chaos, despair and isolation will be replaced by the comforting, guiding light of Your compassionate, healing wisdom.

    Dear Lord… we pray that You will continue to guide us, all, in these things…Draw us nearer to thee…Help us to hear and embrace Your voice, oh Lord…Help us to recognize It’s ever-present, reassuring resonance -It’s quiet but powerful whisper of loving, faith-increasing hope and steadily sung wisdom…And in following Your voice in our desire to reflect Your example, ours is a faith in our growing ability to reflect Your will, wisdom and compassion in all things we speak and in all things we do in connection to, and on behalf of, all the hearts You have blessed us in connection with.

    Encircled by Your protective grace we ask You, Lord, to help us find our path, and ask that You will always be with us to help us stay the course. Amen.

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