J is in the hospital. He was dropped off in the parking lot and left there by his friends who didn’t really know what to do with him. He was obviously high. They found messages on his cell phone from known dealers and wax wrappers. They did not want to bring him home messed up at 3:00 am.
J was confused and must have said something suicidal because he has been committed for 3 days into the hospital involuntarily. He called me furious and wanted to be picked up. I refused and begged him to get the help that is being offered and reminded him that he has relapsed and we had warned him what the consequences would be. He may not come home until he has gotten some intensive extended inpatient rehab. Or he could find a homeless shelter or a friend to take him in but he could not stay here.
The hospital called to get some back ground information and I gave them everything, which of course did not at all match up with what J told them. Go figure! He made all kinds of excuses…the one that I loved was “Come on mom, I broke up with my girlfriend. I am upset give me a break, I have been clean for 4 months”…which I don’t really believe either. I told him the next time I argued with his father, I was going to go out and shoot up. WTF? I really hoped that put into perspective just how messed up that statement really is!
I could see him unraveling right in front of my eyes for the last week and there was not a damn thing I could have done about it. I am tired. I do not really feel any relief because, what is going to happen in three days? I am terrified.
He has fallen and what if he really can’t get up?