Things continue to deteriorate…

Nothing happened in court AGAIN! J continues to wait for court to be over so he can resume life or at least that is what he tells us but there is no end in sight. My husband who had a few beers last night got into a fight with J. A FREAKING fist fight which consisted of my husband punching J while I lunged between them. I got hit in the chest and have a big bruise on the left towards the center of my chest. My life is a spectacle that I am desperately trying to keep secret. I am tired of holding it all together.

Can I just tell you on the outside we look like the Leave It to Beaver Family! Well maybe more like The Keaton’s on “Family Tie’s” with a smidge of “Roseanne” thrown in for good measure. The point being I don’t think anybody knows this crazy life we are living. My seven year old was hiding under his bed last night. My 11 year had her door barricaded with the dogs inside for protection. I don’t know how much protection she thinks she is going to get from 3 and 7 pounds of fluff?

I like the  big house I live in. I like the cars I drive and the vacations we manage to go on from time to time. I don’t want a divorce but I can not hold both my husband and son’s shit together at the expense of everyone else. I love them both but I am telling you if I could trade them in for a new and improved version…I would do it in a heart beat. I never thought my life would turn into one screwed up dirty little secret but that is the spectacle I call my life.

Look around at your neighbors…that wonderful family down the street with the white picket fence, golden haired children and fluffy little dogs could be hiding a deep dark secret of abuse of all kinds like alcohol, drugs, physical, mental…who knows!

My parents live in West Palm and my brother lives in Golden. I think I am going to look and see what real estate is going for around there. Some how I do not think I will be able to afford it as a divorced mom of 4 umm maybe 3.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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9 Responses to Things continue to deteriorate…

  1. sheila says:

    Oh Madyson, my heart aches for you! I am sorry that you got hurt in the fistfight and that it scared your other children. It’s hard to remember in the heat of the moment, but it is best if you can step back and let your husband and son work out their issues without you getting involved.

    A year ago, I was living in a very similar situation with no end in sight. I needed to move out for a while to save my sanity and get some perspective on the situation. My husband made it clear that it probably would be the fatal blow to what was left of our marriage if I moved out. I finally left anyway. I couldn’t stay. It was simply too toxic living in the dysfunctional relationship that was going on between my husband and daughter, and he wasn’t willing to change or get help.

    Divorce is awful, and I never in a million years expected to go there. But living in an empty marriage and a toxic family sometimes can be even worse. Only you can choose. Take your time and pray about it.

    Wishing you serenity, courage, and wisdom,
    Sheila

  2. sheila says:

    PS – When I left, even my own MOTHER had no clue how miserable I had been in my marriage. Most of my friends were stunned. Even my daughter said, “But you guys never fought” (well, not in front of her, anyway).

    To a only few trusted friends, I had been able to share the drama. My life since my daughter got sick has been like living in a constant Jerry Springer show. Ugh. But to the rest of the world, we were the “happy family” down the block, complete with our fluffy little dog too!

    I do miss my big house and my occasional nice vacation. But I’m happier in my little apartment where I can lock the door and have peace. I have a new man who LISTENS to me and is supportive. We don’t have much money together, but we are in love, content, and have enough to cover our needs.

  3. onemomtalking says:

    Well, we are a pair! My dad lives in West Palm. And I moved this past summer to South Carolina from Golden, Colorado because I needed to get my youngest away from her two addict brothers. They are doing much better now, but she (and I) needed sanity for awhile. It was a very hard decision, but we learn in AlAnon (or AA or NA or NarAnon, Etc.) that we each are responsible for our own recovery. And younger siblings suffer so much. I can’t help my boys recover and I can’t expect them to change just so that i will feel better. I hope you go to meetings for support. Anyway, i can recommend a realtor in the Golden area if you want to get some info (via private messages). I’m so sorry for your situation. You are in my prayers!

  4. Renee C. says:

    I am so sorry that it came to blows and you got in the middle. I am praying that you come to a decision that works for you and your children. I know what you mean about no one knowing what goes on in the house. Even when you try to tell your friends, they dont believe you. If you need to talk I am here for you. Hugs to you and I will pray for you to come to a decision that is healthy for all of you.

  5. Syd says:

    Madyson, it sounds like a painful situation. I learned that it was crazy for me to try to make others change or save them. I had to learn to save myself because I was sinking fast. That’s when I told my wife that I was leaving and unhappy. It was out of my life or into AA. She chose AA and I went to Al-Anon. Craziness and fist fights don’t do anything but make everyone scared. Look at your kids who are hiding. What is this doing to them? It sounds as if it is time to have a discussion about what you want. Good luck.

  6. Dawn M. McCoy says:

    I think I would take a really good look at just who is the one creating the most problems, and the most dysfunctionality.

    is it your husband, or is he further along in the “i won’t enable my addict child walk than you are?

    is it your son, or is he still tugging at your heart strings and pushing your saviour buttons?

    Are you thinking of disrupting an entire family who functions really well when the addict is not present?

    do the problems continue even when J is not in the home?

    of course, when living with an addict, the whole thing is f’d up. so, in your mind, and HONESTLY, ask yourself, is it better when the addict is NOT here, or is it the same, with the husband picking the addict out to act against. do the other children get the same treatment from your husband, or is he a supportive and understanding father to them.

    these are really hard questions. a child’s addiction breaks up many families. but the real question is why?

    are you holding onto false hope that your son will ‘straighten out’ and keeping J in the home when it is actually destroying your family.

    no one can answer these questions but you.

    it sounds to me, on the outside looking in, like you might need to make some painful decisions, but i am not sure they are the ones you are contemplating.

    if your husband is a loving husband, good provider, great father to the other kids, and only has trouble with J, then maybe you need to take J out of the picture and not let him live at home, or further impact your lives in a negative way.

    an addict will find sobriety only when he/she wants it. regardless of where they live, who is behind them or not behind them, and only when they, not YOU are ready too.

    sometimes, you have to sacrafice your love for one child, to save the others.

    dawn

  7. Ron Grover says:

    Madyson,

    I read some really good comments here and I think every one of them spoke right to you. Sounds like it will be rough for a while. Ai agree with Dawn in that there are some really tough questions to answer and some of eh questions are not the one that surface immediately.

    Wishing you well and thinking of you.

  8. Barbara says:

    I read the comments too and have nothing too add than other maybe some time away from it all to think about it (if possible).
    I’m hoping the best.

    (Your family looks good on the outside – we’re the opposite. My neighbors have seen and heard way too much police activity at my house to think things were “okay” when Keven lived here).

  9. Lisa says:

    It is clear that J is the link to the chaos. Our son is without a doubt the link to ours. I want him removed from our home so we can have our life back (yes there is a a 7 pound dog..also a 90 pound one as well) and a younger brother..and an older sister who left years ago with one main reason being her brother! I want to know how others have had their son or daughter removed..did you just tell them, were police involved? I don’t know about others but our son isn’t just an addict…he is mean and not easy to live with, harasses his younger brother, in and out of the house late at night, sleeps all day…what are we doing? Its our home and I’m pretty much done with waiting for him to decide he’s ready for sobriety!

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