Can someone please remind me why we thought that was a good idea?

J called my husband/his dad.  He didn’t leave a message.  Me being ummm…me, of course thought the worst.  Why do I still do that?  All he wanted to do is ask his father how to mix oil/gas for a leaf blower??? I was worried he was in jail looking to get bailed out or worse.  If someone would have told me five years ago there was worse things then bailing your kid out of jail, I would have told them they were crazy!

He really does seem to be doing well but how would I really know that? He called today and asked me if I was sitting down…again my heart jumped to my throat. He wanted to know what I thought about him going back to college this semester if he can get in.  I told him his timing was poor because we are still trying to pay the lawyer off and will need to take a credit card out to pay the balance. Can someone please remind me why we thought paying for the lawyer would be a good idea?

Then he asked me what we were going to get him for his birthday…I snorted the water I was sipping on and it came out my nose. It was very attractive.


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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10 Responses to Can someone please remind me why we thought that was a good idea?

  1. Lisa C says:

    You will never really know if he is doing well; except as time goes by, and the calls are about normal things, your heart won’t beat quite so hard; and you won’t always assume the worst. It just takes time.

    And just a thought…if he chooses to go back to college won’t it be on his own dime and not on yours? I’ve had exactly the same thoughts because Bryan is still talking about going to college. But guess what? I paid for all my own college…Bachelors and Masters…and so will my son if he decides ever really to go back to shcool. His college money was spent on a variety of detoxes, rehabs, and sober living houses. Enough said.

    Take care because you are doing great!

  2. I quit paying for lawyers the day he turned 18. Since then he’s always had Public Defenders. He’s begged and begged for a real lawyer, but NO!

    College too. Tried that. Twice. He signs up for a full load of classes and then drops them all 2 weeks later – both times. Not doing that again either.

    I think J would have more of an appreciation for his college education if forced to foot his own bill.

    Just my 2 cents.

  3. junkie thinking. it’s all about THEM. still

  4. Cheri says:


    Your post made me smile, as it reminded me of myself. Please don’t take that the wrong way. It’s just nice to know the boat is big enough for all of us.

    I agree with Lisa, the heart-in-the-throat-thing will subside some in time. Our son has been sober for four years and three months, and it has only been in the past year or so that I don’t have that response when he calls, the wondering when the other shoe will drop. I know, of course, that the other shoe could drop at anytime, but the longer he stays clean, the more at ease we feel.

    As to going back to college, our son went, and he had to take out loans. We couldn’t/can’t afford to pay for it, and he lost a scholarship due to his drug issues, so it’s his dime, not ours, that will pay for his education. And it hasn’t killed him yet; in fact, he’s been a model student, because he knows he has to pay back that loan, even if he doesn’t finish. He’s determined to make something of himself, so he can pay it back.

    Try to stay encouraged,

  5. HerBigSad says:

    *squeak, squeak, squeak* Sorry, had to clean my monitor, as I also laughed through my tea and sputtered when I read the birthday comment! So funny!

    I agree with those above. I try really hard, but when she is not incarcerated, a phone ringing just makes me uneasy until I know nothing is wrong. Sigh…..

    Hang in there! You are really doing fine!! Hugs and prayers!

  6. Syd says:

    Sounds as if it is time for him to pay his own freight. College–sounds good if he wants to pay for it. I think that you are doing well. The feeling of dread will eventually leave.

  7. VJ says:

    My our son’s mid 20’s we had a contract in place that spelled out what the family would do and would not do so when the phone rings it wasn’t so much of an issue as before the contract. Life got easier, not perfect.

  8. heathersmom1 says:

    I always appreciate your descriptions/how you write about what’s going on. Your actions speak louder than words – the snorting of the water – oh how many times I have felt that way.
    You know, you paid for the lawyer, doesn’t matter if it was a good idea or not, AT THIS POINT it seems to be working out b/c now J is going to have to deal with his responsibilities himself – and figure out an answer other than adding up what $ he can get from his parents. Hopefully this will be a growth experience for him. Hopefully you are doing okay yourself 🙂
    Love & hugs!

  9. SAM says:

    My son is an opiate addict. His college fund went to a lawyer and 5 months in rehab. Currently on probation he appears to have resumed his drug using lifestyle, which he denies. How do you tell if a an addict is lying? His mouth is moving. I can relate to the car and the “no sense of time.” This detachment with love is no easy thing. Letting go is even harder. My deep gratitude for everyone’s willingness to share.

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