In a holding pattern…

I am feeling better thank you all for the well wishes.  Vacation was very nice despite being in the hospital and the usual tension an addict creates. When we got to the second part of the trip he stayed with my parents. They think J eats rainbows and poops butterflies so great fun was had by all. He remained sober and we didn’t spend a lot of time together. Good times!

We are kind of in a holding pattern, so I don’t have a lot to say.  I feel strangely disconnected from it all.  I think I am in self preservation mode, my mind is telling me to let it go because your body needs you too.  We had planned on meeting with Jay to discuss possible outcomes and consequences for behaviors.  He has conveniently moved in with his girl friend again so either he has gone off the deep end or he is trying to get his act together. Right now …works for me because I don’t care.

PS I will put some pictures of the “little ones” up soon…they had fun!

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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15 Responses to In a holding pattern…

  1. Brother Frankie says:

    eats rainbows and poops butterflies …

    i love that …. just love it

    • madyson007 says:

      As much as I would like to take credit for it…It’s a quote from “Horton Hear’s A who” by Dr. Suess. The full quote is… “In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies” Don’t ya just love Suess? LOL

  2. Lisa C says:

    I didn’t remember that line from Dr. Suess, but I have always loved his books and stories (not the movie versions, they creep me out a little bit LOL). I’m going to remember that line.

    My brother’s daughter who used everything, took from everyone, had felonies, spent time in jail, did horrible awful things with her body to get what she needed is now 23 months clean, functions as a full-time mommy to the 5 year old son of her boyfriend (including working in his classroom), taking him to school daily, arranging playdates, etc. She is a miracle and I truly truly believe that if she can get clean and find happiness and joy in life, then anyone can. Never never give up hope! But continue to take care of yourself! Hugs and prayers to you.

  3. Renee C. says:

    Right now I wish you were right next to me so I could give you a great big bear hug! I know where you are coming from but you do care or you wouldn’t have gone through all this pain and trying to help him for so long. I have said those same words only to jump right back in and do what I needed to do. I hope you are at the point where you can start to take care of you and let J take care of himself. If they want the help it NA works and they can get clean and stay clean. My daughter has and is an inspiration to others who are just starting the journey. Just remember you can’t make him want to get clean! He has to do that and want it himself. Use this time with him gone to spend with the other members of your family that you have left.((hugs))

    • madyson007 says:

      You are an inspiration to me…and I wish we all lived near each other. We could have our very own in real life meetings!

      • Renee C. says:

        I do not see myself as an inspiration to anyone but thank you. I just hope you can get to a place where you can relax a bit and enjoy what you do have. I also wish your son gets it sooner rather than later. I am rewarding myself with a few days at the shore coming up more to get away from all of it and my daughter says “well i want to go too!” I had to hesitate and wanted to say but i want to go alone with your dad but rather with us and watched than home alone wondering what is going on. She gives us no reason to question her 7 months clean however it is day by day and I realize that. I do not think we live that far away and I hope we can meet one of these days. ((HUGS)) feel better soon

    • madyson007 says:

      Renee what part of NJ do you live in?

  4. Donna says:

    Glad you are recuperating, remember to listen to your body, it knows when you need to take a break. I’m a CT mom of a 23 yr old heroin addict. I’ve been reading and catching up on your postings, and it’s time to jump in and stop “lurking”. Like Debby I’m a Christian, however my son thinks he can get clean himself, so I know he’s in for more problems. He began a methadone clinic about 3 weeks ago, still not up to his optimal dose yet. While I’m not sure he REALLY wants it yet, he does think this is the way for him. He works sporadically (as a roofer), lives at home, and since we wised up has not stolen/pawned anything of ours for a few months. Are we out of the woods yet? While I wish we were, I know that actually we are not home free by a long shot. But my sons have belonged to God since their births, He controls their lives, I’m just here to do my best to teach them and enjoy them. So, ((hugs)) and prayers to you, Madyson, and the rest of this not-so-exclusive club as we walk our paths one step at a time one day at a time.

  5. cdcb says:

    Do I ever know how you are feeling. Despite the seriousness of all that is going on with my daughter i feel starngely removed from her situation. It’s not that I don’t care, cause i do. It just feels very far away from where i am. I think that with my health problems right now, it’s my mind’s way of forcing me to put my self first despite everything.
    Praying for you…
    Carolyn

  6. VJ says:

    I look forward to those “holding patterns” as they are a gift. A time to pause and focus on ourselves, fully. To remind ourselves of how far we have come, to point to all the strengths we do have. To thank God for this gift of life and to know He is in control. To trust Him and let go.

    In prayer for all of us and our children

  7. Syd says:

    Glad that you had a good vacation. The detaching is good.

  8. Renee C. says:

    I actually live in PA. Below the Pocono’s but 20 minutes from Northern NJ.

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