The other shoe has dropped…

I am so overwhelmed.  I am ill.  I am done.  You all are right things are hopeless and he is doomed. I don’t know what to do? How do things turn on a time?  Life is so cruel.  I never should have wrote about great expectations I am a fool.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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10 Responses to The other shoe has dropped…

  1. Ron Grover says:

    You’re not a fool you are a parent just like I am and thousands of other people with children suffering. Addiction, cancer, diabetes, autism, heart disease and countless other disabilities afflict our children. We rejoice in the highs and the hopes, we collapse into ourselves with the lows. You are no different than all the rest of us.

    Where there is life there is hope. There is also reality that sometimes SUCKS. It’s all about perspective. There is no one in my life right now that can destroy my mood faster than my son. But there is no other that can bring me out like my bride, my daughters and my baby granddaughter.

    It’s been hard and been many many years but life is worth it even with a son intent on destroying his. I am trying to learn to live my own life. It gets better. It doesn’t mean I love my son less, it just means I love life more.

    Write what you need to write, talk to whoever you need to talk too, call me if you want, cry if you need but the most important person in this whole thing is you. Take care of you.

  2. Dawn McCoy says:

    you are not a fool. i’m so sorry.

  3. Lisa C says:

    My heart started hurting for you when I read your post. But as Ron so eloquently said, it is so easy to collapse into ourselves when our children are making such horrible choices and involved in so much “evil,” and all we want for them is what we’ve always wanted for them…to be healthy, happy and to have a good life. Why can’t we just fix it?

    Please do what you need to to take care of you, because we all need to hear from you and know that you are okay. You are doing better, you are making breakthroughs and you will continue to learn how to love your son while detaching from what he is doing. Don’t give up HOPE; but don’t let him destroy who you are. ((Hugs and prayers and for you))

  4. Syd says:

    Madyson, I think being gentle with myself is the best thing I can do. I am not a fool for trusting, but after the trust has been broken a number of times, then I will be a fool if I only believe the words and don’t look for actions that show trust is deserved. The insanity was that I continued to do the same thing over and over expecting different results. That simply doesn’t work. I had to finally surrender and realize that I cannot control what someone else does, or love them enough to make them well. That is not up to me. I had to let go. Take care of yourself.

  5. Helga says:

    You are no fool, you are a loving mother. Take back your life, one day at a time. Control your life, don’t let someone else control it. Be good to yourself, give yourself a break. Try to surround yourself with positive energy. I heard from a friend today that her son has been clean for 15 years. He is a sponsor and has devoted his free time to helping others who are addicted. She is so proud of him. There is always hope. Have no expectations and you’ll have no disappointments, just pleasant surprises. Don’t give up! You are in my prayers.

  6. Barbara says:

    Ditto, amen and I agree to all of the above. You are no more a fool than ANY of us. We all get our hopes up even when we tell ourselves otherwise. We all want more than anything for this nightmare to end. For some it does – there ARE addicts out there with years of sobriety. We can’t give up hope even though I just said the other day that I did.

    Whatever you do, don’t stop writing. We are all in this together and all go through the ups and downs. I hurt for you right now. It totally sucks. I am so sorry 😦

  7. gal says:

    Madelyn, those who achieve sobriety often speak of many twists and turns along the way. Most of us have seen it with our children. Good times, bad times, good times, bad times. None of us know whether your son will find his way eventually, but we do know that as long as he’s living and breathing, there’s hope. I think the grieving you are going through is important, because it helps to toughen you. Let’s face it, this may be a long road and you have to survive and continue to raise your other children. For now, just take it one hour at a time until the pain subsides a little bit. Hang in there.
    -Gal

  8. beachteacher says:

    I am SO very sorry and sad about the pain you’re now enduring. You are not a fool at all,..but I very much understand that feeling. I have gone through it so many times ! You are a mom who loves her child and as the others have said, we can’t give up hope, even though our child sometimes gives up on him/herself. I’ll be praying for you.
    Lori

  9. Renee C says:

    My heart goes out to you. We all know as parents that this can happen even thought we don’t want it to. The % of children it doesn’t happen to is small. I keep waiting for the same thing. Fortunately for me it hasn’t happened yet. This is the hardest thing and I don’t know how I would deal with it if it did. Sometimes I make myself sick thinking about it happening so my heart goes out to you today and every day. Hugs to you. Wish I was right there with you to give you a big hug. If you need to talk email me and I will give you my cell#. I will talk anytime. We are sisters of a sort. That is the way I see all of you.

  10. Brother Frankie says:

    just know that you are in good company. you are not alone although it may feel like it.

    i am praying for you

    Brother Frankie

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