I can not remember if I wrote this statement in response to someone, or it is a direct quote. All I know is that I wrote this post when things were at an all time low many months ago, I am pretty sure it was back in February. It reflected truly what I was feeling BUT I could not bring myself to post it. I saved it in drafts and went back to read it from time to time but I have always wondered why was it so hard to share it with anybody? I think I have the answer now…it is such a difficult and painful truth that, maybe if I posted it, it would somehow become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This post was inspired by Barbara’s blog post today. Here it is :
“I long to achieve the perverse relief of detachment.” Today Dawn commented to someone that she has so completely cut her daughter out of her life, it is like she is dead. I was so shocked by this statement! Then strangely enough after I thought about it for awhile I was even MORE shocked because I COMPLETELY understood how a mother could get to that point. I don’t always like what Dawn has to say but I also know it is based on her truth and I recognize how valuable her voice is. If we want to survive intact, self preservation will have to kick in…for some of us that has already happened. Am I ready to mourn?
I always take notice when Dawn leaves a comment and wish I could read her blog but it is password protected. If you read this Dawn please allow me to read your blog. I think it is so hard for me to internalize some of the things Dawn has to say because they are like a bitter pill that one day I will have to swallow. If I embrace her beliefs completely am I giving up, am I fulfilling that prophecy of doom? …OR just maybe I will be saved.
PS Dawn I thought about asking your permission before I posted this but really had no way to do that. If you are in any way bothered by what I have said, I will gladly take it down. I do not wish to intrude on your privacy or offend by writing what I think you meant. I do not always appreciate other people’s interpretation on my thoughts.
I have added my emil address to my blog: firstname.lastname@example.org
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