Court tomorrow…

Since Jay has moved out it has been much easier for both my husband and I not to be consumed by J’s addiction.  I don’t have to watch him sleep all day and hear him wander around all night.  I don’t have to look in his eyes everyday and see his pain but even when he is not here I know he suffers. He has lost all his friends.  It has devastated him.  I have tried to explain to him that he needs to focus on himself and getting well and once he has those parts of his life in order, friends will come back or he might even have made new ones.  He doesn’t see it, he is unable to see it.  His girlfriend has stood by him but at a big cost.  She has lost a lot of weight and now I am worried about her.  If she does indeed have anorexia, her problem is every bit as serious as J’s.  It is like the blind leading the blind.  Why do lost souls cling to each other?

My nephew who is just a year older than J has been living with us for the summer.  He is a wonderful young man who is focused on all the right things. He has moved into J’s room and we love having him here.  When J came to visit he looked at me with those wondering blue eyes and said “I feel like you have just replaced me with S.” I laughed it off and didn’t think much about it, until today.  S is the young man I thought my son would become. J is right we have embraced S into our lives and try not to dwell to much on J. I am crying as I write this. I am having a rough day and I don’t know why? Why does it have to be like this?  Why did this have to happen, he would be entering his junior year of college this fall if addiction had not taken over his life.  Where did it all go wrong? Life continues it’s spiral…

He has a court date on Monday at 3:00pm.  Will he end up in jail? Is that what is bothering me?


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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12 Responses to Court tomorrow…

  1. DAWN M MCCOY says:

    I’m so sorry. I know how it feels. When I get like that I listen to Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day.


  2. Debby says:

    I’m glad that you have that subscribe feature. That helps me to keep up with what’s going on. Mom, I so feel your pain. My son didn’t see “it for a long time, either. He lost most of his friends. I’m glad the bad ones are out of his life. I told my son that once he shows a long streak of sobriety, some of the good ones might come back into his life.
    Wishing you courage and strength tomorrow. It hurts so much, I know. PS: Would you mind adding me to your blog roll?

    • madyson007 says:

      Debby you were the very first person I had on my blog roll…and you are still there under “How’s My Son?”. Would you like me to put it under a different name? I am so glad to hear things are going well with your son and CONGRATULATIONS on your house! Also, sometimes a new job leads to new friends and even better positions. I am going to assume it is all part of gods plan!

  3. Kathy M. says:

    What I’ve learned is that my daughter only understood what she was ready to, when she was ready, and I could not control either one. My sponsor used to say “She’s not hearing you honey.” Eventually, I learned to keep opinions to myself and just love her, and let God take care of the rest.

    A million hugs to you.

    • madyson007 says:

      You are so right he is not hearing me…and ditto on the “when he is ready”. The question is when will will I learn?

      If they would only listen to us we could spare them so much pain.

  4. Barbara says:

    Funny that Dawn mentioned that song, I made a montage to that once I don’t know if this link to it will work, but it took me six hours to make the dang thing:

    I am sorry you have to feel this way. The why is never going to be answered for any of us. I am sorry you have to feel this way and see J suffer. Its the worst part of this whole mess of addiction.

    I hope the court case goes well. One step at a time….

  5. Syd says:

    I do my best not to ask the why questions because the answers never come. It is best to ask what I am going to do type of questions because ultimately I have to make decisions about me and my actions around others. I wish you the best.

  6. tinhih says:

    I know exactly what you are going through. No one can replace J, not even S. All it really does is make you mourn him more. Jail is not so bad. At least he is safe. Beware of the anger, which will boil up once fear is gone. I will be praying for you! Blessings tomorrow, and remember, all you can control is, just for today.

  7. Renee from "Addiction-Trying To Detach with Love says:

    I am also sorry you are feeling this way, been there and some days still am. I try not to ask why anymore either because the why answers really aren’t for me to know. The more I stay out of my son’s path to his own life journey and stay on my path, the better we both seem to be. It sucks, but it is the only thing that has helped me. Much light and love sent your way, I know how you feel.

  8. Helga says:

    The lost souls cling to each other because misery loves company. Addicts don’t have much common sense anyway in the general meaning of the term. We will never understand where they come from, because we are not there. Remember, it’s his life that is spiraling. You and J are in my prayers.

  9. Awwwwww Sweetie, I know exactly how you feel, cuz you mirror my thoughts. Prayers sent your way!

  10. cdcb says:

    I have nothing helpful to add, given that my own despair mirrors yours in some ways. One day at a time, we can make it through. Lately, that’s all I’ve been holding on to.
    Sending prayers and hugs.

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