Ron asked “do you ever blame yourself”…which for me is a no brainer, of course I blame myself. I blame the genetics of both my husband and I, predisposing our son to addiction. I am a rational woman and I know that sounds a little absurd but it is what I feel. I can pretend not to but I do. Then I thought about going back to the beginning and asked myself “What exactly could I have done differently?”. Well I realize after thinking about that for awhile and if I was honest with myself, yes there are things I would and could have done differently but would the outcome have changed? The short answer NO…I don’t think the outcome would have changed. Wisdom teeth and appendectomies’ happen, those events do not turn most of us into addicts but it did for my son. He says the first time he took a Percoset he thought he had found the answer to all of his imagined problems. The first time I took a Percoset I thought to myself wow this stuff is great but I need to get some work done. Why is it so different for some? Is it just me or do addicts all seem to have very similar personality traits? My son is one of those kids that easily got his feelings hurt. He was and is the kid that feels things deeply, like crying because his grandfather had to leave and he was going to miss him…didn’t matter if he was going to see him the next day. He was the kid that wanted to rescue everyone and everything. He was a little bit of a loner because his friends let him down, mostly because his expectations were so high. In general he has been a very needy kid right from the get go. He is also and always has been selfish or self centered might be the better word. Instant gratification was always the goal in his life and I am talking about way before drugs entered into the picture. Do you see similar traits in your children?
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