In the scheme of things…

this may sound trivial but to me it is one more monumental thing.  When I got home from work today my little Yorkie was panting and seemed to be in pain.  I rushed her to the vet and he said it was time, so I had her put to sleep.  J is going to be devastated and I am feeling bad that he did not get to say goodbye but there was nothing I could do.

Yesterday on my way to an al anon meeting I hit a deer and killed the poor thing, of course I was driving my favorite car.  I had an estimate today on fixing it but haven’t heard back on the final numbers.  I can not take anymore really.  God if you are listening…I am there, I have reached the limit.

I am grateful that my dog did not have to suffer.  I am grateful that I did not get hurt or hurt anyone else but please everyone and everything just chill for a little while ok?

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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17 Responses to In the scheme of things…

  1. heathersmom1 says:

    Oh my gosh! None of what you wrote sounds trivial at all! It is fair to be upset, any one of the things you have experienced would be monumental. Sometimes I worry about (I know, go figure) the future when I lose my oldest dog, it is losing a member of the family, my friend lost her cat, and she grieved for months. I still remember when I ran over a chipmunk when I was 16. I don’t know why all this is happening at once, but I do know God is with you. Take comfort in His loving hands during this time, sometimes it is necessary just to be held.
    Sending love, hugs (LOTS) and prayers to you.

  2. Cheri says:

    This was not trivial, Madyson. I had to have my Lhasa Apso put to sleep last December; she was 16 1/2. It was so very hard, and I miss her so much. That loss, coupled with the loss of your dreams for J and the headache of having your car repaired… it’s enough to send you over the edge.

    Sending hugs and prayers your way,
    Cheri

  3. Barbara says:

    Trivial??? No, no, no….this is a major heartbreak for anyone who loves their pet and its magnified by having all the other things going on in your life (plus the deer – thank God you were not hurt).

    I know that feeling about reaching the limit. I felt I was at mine today after three nights of not sleeping (I sort of slept but not really – I had to watch over someone who was afraid to be alone).

    Life is just too hard sometimes. PLEASE GOD lift some of our burdens! Please prepare and comfort J to hear about his pet.

    I am so sorry you have to endure all this 😦

  4. DAWN M MCCOY says:

    I am soooo sorry!! {{{hugs}}}}

  5. Syd says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your dog. That is never a trivial thing. Having our best animal pals leave us is one of the hardest things ever. And then the deer being hit–that must have been traumatic. I feel so for animals. I hope that things ease up and there will be some calm amidst all this sadness.

  6. HerBigSad says:

    Oh there are days when I look at the sky and say “Are You listening? I’m shouting it: U.N.C.L.E.!!” Uncle, enough, stop please, let me get off the ride.

    I am so sorry about your dog. The dog and the deer – not trivial at all. And with everything else concerning J…. TOO MUCH! Hugs to you and I am praying for a period of peace for your heart. God bless!!

  7. gal says:

    I’m so sorry everything is happening right now. Your son, the deer, the dog. Sometimes it just feels like you just can’t take any more, and no wonder. (I remember desperately wanting to have a nervous breakdown when everything was falling apart during the break-up of my marriage. The thought of a sanitarium was so soothing to me.My mother, who is one tough bird, told me I simply wasn’t allowed to.) You are doing the right thing in writing out all your feelings. I call it emptying the garbage. Let it out. And do your best to be good to yourself right now. No human being can face what you’re dealing with and not feel worn down. Cry, yell, kick a few doors, take some deep breathes, then give yourself a hug from all of us. And if you can’t shake this overwhelming anxiety, please go see your doctor or a counselor. I know I speak for all of us when I say, we care.
    -Gal

  8. Ron Grover says:

    I’m sorry for all that is going on. It was my turn in the barrel the last couple weeks with all of the stuff going on here. I just keep reminding myself this is nothing more than life.

    I just would think at night in bed all of this is really so easy to handle if I just focus on one thing at a time. The problem is as the parent of an addict one thing at a time is something we dream. The complications of life coupled with the consistent worry about our sons create more stress than we deserve.

    Separate issues and de-stress. Easy to say but hard to do.

  9. Renee says:

    I am so sorry for your loss and the traumatic events of the past few days. I think we can all realte and it is not trivial at all. (((HUGS)))

  10. Lisa says:

    There is nothing trivial about the loss of your dog, hitting the deer, worrying about J…and you are handling it all. The trouble is, we get tired of handling it all. I’ve realized I’m starting to deal with depression which is a way that my “head and heart” can hide from all that is going on. Keep writing and letting it out. You remain in my prayers and my thoughts. Maybe our dogs are meeting up in “doggy heaven.”

  11. Sheila says:

    madyson, I am so sorry about the loss of your dog. Our last dog was a pain in the butt, yet I still grieved for her when she passed on. And I got really shaken up when I hit and killed a squirrel that ran out into the road. I can only imagine how scary it would be to hit a deer.

    Lots of garbage for you. But don’t take on the blame that J wasn’t there to say goodbye to the dog. Leaving was J’s choice, not yours.

    I am so glad to read that you were going to an alanon meeting. I hope you were able to finish driving there. Keep going back, it works. I’ve been going to Alanon since January, at least two nights a week. Since then, I have attained a lot of serenity most days, separated from my verbally abusive, passive-aggressive and possibly alcoholic husband, AND my daughter has dumped the addict boyfriend, decided to get herself off the drugs, and is actively pursuing a career. For me, what they say at Alanon is true – “the family situation is bound to improve”.

    Wishing you serenity,
    Sheila

  12. Renee C. says:

    Something or someone will come your way to put the sunshine back in your day. As you said, your dog did not suffer and no one was hurt. I wish I was close enough to wrap my arms around you with a big hug. I am in PA so I am not too far away. I will say an additional prayer for you and your family tonight. My life right now is on an even keel so extra prayers coming your way!

  13. Renee C. says:

    Didn’t mean to sound trivial about what happened. Just trying to look on the bright side.. My pom has brought me throught he last 4 months. He is always there with a smile and a cuddle no matter how my day has gone. Glad you got to Al-Anon too. I was trying to find a Naranon close by but can’t find anything, is Al-Anon the same. I am not quite sure. There seem to be more of them around.

    • madyson007 says:

      I also have big problems finding Nar-anon meetings. I have been to one and it was VERY far away. Al-anon meetings are much easier to find and it is my understanding they are very similar and I would be welcome but I have only been to one of those too. I am hoping to maybe start going more regularly but I haven’t managed that yet. I did not get there that night because I was so shaken and I had to fill out a police report.

      PS I didn’t think you sounded trivial at all looking at the bright side might be the only thing to do right now. Thank you.

  14. I’m so sorry about the loss of your dog. (((((HUGS)))). That’s never an easy thing to deal with. I guess all we can do is keep on keepin’ on, right?

  15. Kathy M. says:

    I’m so sorry. Losing a loved pet is very difficult. Hitting a deer is also upsetting. I will pray that God wrap you in his grace and mercy. Hugs to you.

  16. Renee C. says:

    Thanks. I am going to try to get to an Al-anon meeting Friday. Thanks for your advice. I have been thinking about you alot. I wish I was there to give you a hug as I think all us moms need alot of them.

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