I LOVE and appreciate all of you who offer support, even the brutal truth I know I need to hear. BUT I find myself censoring my writing lately and I don’t like that feeling. I know that what I post is not always politically correct in regards to everyone’s al-anon/nar-anon beliefs. I also am totally aware that my thoughts are all over the place, part of it is my ADhD and part of it is my personality. The purpose of me starting this blog was to keep a diary of my feelings. It was a place where I could put down rational and not so rational thoughts. The main reason being…when I post it almost always brings a sense of relief. I felt even more relief when I realized others were reading my blog. It was like I didn’t need to carry this burden alone, that you my friends were there for me, making this really crappy situation feel a little bit kinder. That being said, I can not apologize for my irrational thoughts of my husband and my genetic jackpot of doom because it is an unfortunate feeling that prevails. I am truly a perky little thing in general, but that is not what this blog is about and I apologize for that too. I sometimes wish I had the desire to write about my adorable 6 year old blue-eyed boy or my gorgeous 17 year old girl or my mind boggling 10 year old named Madison who has inspired my screen name, but it is just not what this blog was intended for. There is no relief in that. I would really like to hear what inspired some of you to start blogging?
Do you know the song “Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick?
The lyrics were an inspiration for me starting a blog. (Kind of ironic after my last post) When I first heard the song, this particular verse really struck a chord in me and was an epiphany…that maybe I could feel better, if I got all these feelings out on a page.
2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to
I guess we all read blogs and tend to take what we need from them. I think I am going to worry less about being politically correct…even if it makes me feel more vulnerable…but for right now I am going to just breathe.