I am getting that really bad feeling again…

you know the one in the pit of your stomach.  The one that makes you want to throw up.  That worried sinking feeling that everything is about to go really wrong.  I need to stop investing emotionally in his recovery and he needs to go away.  My life needs to change but it’s like freaking ground hog day here…just the same BS.  I just can’t seem to help myself get out of this.  I feel like I am trapped.  Why does it have to be like this?


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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12 Responses to I am getting that really bad feeling again…

  1. Renee says:

    I found once I got out of my son’s way, out of his path, I regained a sense of peace and am starting to regain my life back. He is in a dark place right now, but I now choose to live in the my life one moment at a time. Are you going to any meetings or counseling? This is a very difficult road and all the support you can get will be what gets you to the other side of the road for yourself. Remember the three Cs, you didn’t CAUSE it, can’t CONTROL it and you really can’t CURE it. Much light and love your way, take care of you. (((HUGS)))

  2. DAWN M MCCOY says:

    been there. done that. sorry

  3. I don’t know why it has to be like this way, but I do know what it feels like and it sucks. Anger and fear don’t mix well. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I wish there was less painful way to get to the other side where things are “calm” again. Its not fair. 😦

  4. Sherry says:

    You will help him if you help yourself to some level of peace! Still praying!

  5. I don’t know if your parents are there right now? If that’s making things tougher b/c you don’t get as much one-on-one with J to “gauge” how he’s doing?
    I know for me things only changed after going to Al-Anon and practicing what I was learning. Things didn’t change with the situation necessarily, but I changed (well, I’m a work in slow progress). Maybe you will find some comfort there?
    I totally sympathize with how you are feeling… sending love & hugs… and prayers of course!

  6. Renee C. says:

    I know exactly how you feel. It happens to me alot. My daughters ex boyfriend texted me on Thursday and said I need to worry about her. Here I am thinking she is doing everything right, why is he doing this to me?
    They have broken up since they went to recovery and he isnt taking it well but I have found out that she cut herself on Thursday, of course it was either during his visit or after his visit to the house. What to do now? Sounds like I am blaming him. She said he is a reminder of the drug use.
    She said it wont happen again. She did this a few years ago also. Can I believe her? She is planning on seeing a psychiatrist this week after she sees her counselor.
    She called her sponsor also and she is helping through. She is bipolar but they have not given her any meds.
    Lets hope we can all get through this without making ourselves too sick. I am praying for you and your family!

  7. gal says:

    This message is to Renee C. If your daughter is bipolar, she really needs to be on meds…probably for the rest of her life. If she is no longer using, the meds have a chance of making a real difference…and the cutting could go away.
    To Madyson, just sending support. I’ve certainly been there. It is better when the addict doesn’t live with you, but only because the evidence is no longer staring you in the face. (But better is a relative term when you are talking about your addicted child!)

  8. Syd says:

    I used to project fear about things a lot. I truly came to accept Step Three and turned my will over to my Higher Power. I realized too that I am powerless over others. Take care of you, keep the focus on yourself and your well being. That is the path to serenity.

  9. Renee C. says:

    Thanks Gal. She is seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist on Tuesday. Soonest I could get her in. She knows she needs something but didnt want to take any more drugs. She is stubborn sometimes which doesnt help.

    Madyson – have a good time with your parents and enjoy.

  10. madyson007 says:


    Good luck with your daughter and the Dr. today. Hopefully her life really can change if she gets on the right meds.

  11. Renee C. says:

    She has not used but cutting isnt much better. She will do it. I have all the confidences once she receives the correct help. She is very strong and if she wants something she goes out and gets it. Thanks for all your kind words.

  12. peglud says:

    Madyson – oh gawd – I know that knot-in-the-stomach-sick feeling. I’ve had it for about 12 years regarding my daughter – just waiting for the next crisis, bad choice, “it’s not my fault” excuse. Having parents there heightens all your emotions, I think. I have the tendency to project way ahead and catastrophize – as a self-protection/coping mechanism, I think. If I always anticipate the worst, I won’t be disappointed or hurt again. The problem with this is, it strips my life of any joy in the present. Your son probably needs to go away so you can both fully embrace recovery, at your own pace. Hang in there.

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