I have lived in Northern New Jersey all my life and I really do not remember having snow like this ever. The benefit of all this snow is my son is stuck at home. I don’t have to worry about where he is or what he is doing and I like that. He is clean right now and I am enjoying him so much. He has played rock band with his brother and sisters and helped his father shovel all the snow and has just been a part of the family for little bits of time. It’s been nice and normal.
The only glitch was when he had an anxiety attack on Wednesday. He called me at work and I could tell something was wrong right away. He was hyperventilating because I think reality was setting in. His friends are running scared. They don’t want to be around him when he uses and he was/is worried this time he may have blown it for good. The only good thing J has ever had going for him is that he has a great small “fairly” clean group of friends, which made stopping easier at times, because he had some where to go back too. I think his friends are now running out of patience and find the whole drama thing old. He begged me to come home from work but I just couldn’t so he had to suck up and pull himself together. Guess what? He did!
He has lost car privileges for now, but can use the car to get to his meetings because they are during the day and we can’t get him there. This is always a source of worry because with a car comes freedom and freedom can sometimes lead him to trigger. I can not keep him locked up on house arrest for the rest of his life so obviously he needs to learn to deal with freedom.
I hope and pray this settles into a new kind of normal for us but I am not holding my breath and I find that very sad. Six months ago, being naive and stupid, I would have said to myself, “The worst is behind us. Now he can finally get past this and we can all get on with our lives”. I don’t believe that anymore. This is a lifetime deal that I never signed up for, but I have to learn to deal with it for my health and sanity.