Dismissed conditionally…

He went to court with my husband this afternoon .  It went well. I guess?  The case was dismissed with the condition that he will be on probation for a year and randomly drug tested.  If he stays clean for a year all traces of this case will be erased from his records.  If he fails during this year of probation, all charges will be reinstated and he will go to jail.  My husband paid the fines with the expectation that J will pay him back, but that would require a job, something we hear a lot about but it hasn’t happened.

On Friday he will be meeting with a psychiatrist about Suboxone.  Our plan is for him to go on the Suboxone and give him a month to get a job.  This is his one and only time we will ever financially support him in court.  He is on his own from now on and we have made that very clear.

I am tired, I need to digest this information and I will blog about it more at another time.  I don’t know what to think?  I always believe in him and so far he has always let me down.  It just gets harder and harder to invest emotionally in his recovery.  If that makes any sense? Thank you all for the support you have offered.  I really do gain strength from it and I need that now because I can see how this “addiction” will swallow you whole and spit you out if you remain fragile and naive for too long.


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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11 Responses to Dismissed conditionally…

  1. I think it went well in court. Now you’ll have to decide what the ramifications are if he doesn’t get a job after the month/doesn’t pay you back.
    What you wrote does make sense. For now I would get some rest – sleep on it – my mom always says, “God brings new mercies in the morning.” Knowing your husband and son were at the court today had to make an emotionally frazzling day.
    God bless.

  2. Sherry says:

    You have a plan, you have boundaries and you’re on your way to detachment with love!!

  3. Sounds like you are doing better all the time with what you are learning…like Sherry said, detachment with love. Its not our instinct as mothers but it becomes necessary. Suboxone works for a lot of people, my son was just in here talking about it and saying he wished that when he was on it he would not have had access to a months supply at a time because it was too tempting too sell it. I was really dumb – I held it for him but he saw where I “hid” it so what good that do? You learn as you go.

    One thing about your son finding a job – keep in mind that its not easy to get one these days. My son and his friends have been looking for weeks, I’ve been looking for months for myself. There are jobs out there but the competition is high since so many are out of work.

  4. This is a familiar story – dismissed conditionally, probation for one year with random drug testing.

    Oh how I wish MY son could speak to YOUR son about that right now. We went thru the same thing, several times. They would dismiss with probation, he would fail, they would put in a Petition To Revoke probation and start over, he would fail, start over, fail, start over, until finally they got pissed off enough to make him sit in jail. Its a merry-go-round!

    Tell your son, from my son, to just step off that merry-go-round RIGHT NOW. It doesn’t work any other way, and if he thinks he can play the system – he will lose eventually.

    My son would get high the day before the probation appointment (stupid stupid stupid!), and then call probation the next day and say, “I need to reschedule – I don’t have a ride” or some other dumb excuse. They knew – they’re not stupid!! Then at the reschedule, because he knew he would fail the UA, would do the “I can’t pee while someone is watching me” trick and try to get out of it that way.

    None of this works!

    Tell your son to just be smart and do everything they say – stay clean and pass his UA’s and put this all behind him now. It only gets worse otherwise.

  5. LatheDude says:

    WOW! I guess that is good news?

    Getting to Friday. We’ll be praying for you.

    If you son is serious about getting help, then suboxone ‘legally’ should help. That is if he is serious. You will have a meter now.

    Something happens to us (on suboxone – in remission), who are serious, about our lives when we suddenly are ‘legal’ and ‘normal’ – that is not fighting cravings. – and having continuous thoughts about drugs/pills/opiates.

    I am hopeful that he can be 100% honest with the doctor about that. He should be encouraged that it’s important to make a plan that He is 100% truthful – to the painful stage…. my $.02.

    I would encourage him to talk to you about it a few days after he starts on suboxone. It should give him the clarity to apply for jobs.

    The beauty of a suboxone patient – is that you can tell. If he is not trying, or he is playing around – you’ll know. If being free of failing, of not following the rules, gives him new life – I hope you can find some small part of you to praise him for that small step. Surely he will not make every step perfect, but who does?

    Still praying for situation.

  6. Syd says:

    It sounds as if it is time for him to be trying hard and for you to take care of yourself. I do understand about emotionally investing in alcoholics. It never did anything but drag me down. I am glad to not be doing that any more.

  7. Sorry not to have responded sooner. We had our grandkids for the weekend, and it was all I could do to keep up with them. Had no computer time until today!

    I’ve read your last four posts and can add no more wisdom than all you’ve already received in the comments added.

    I agree with all who have said you are taking care of yourself and setting boundaries, and you are making progress. It may not feel like it, but you are!

    Want you to know you are in our prayers,


  8. DAWN M MCCOY says:

    well? it’s a chance. hope he makes something good come of it. just remember, it’s HIS chance. Not yours.

  9. Helga says:

    Be glad he has random drug testing. My daughter is on probation with no drug testing because she was in jail for larceny, not for drug possession……

  10. LatheDude says:

    I totally understand having to reset ideals we have for our children. It’s very hard. I’m pulling for you, as you accept this new reality.

    I dropped by to see if you posted about the visit to the psychiatrist and your son potentially getting therapy for addiction – including potentially suboxone.

    Not to be too nosy, but how did that go? Maybe I read the wrong Friday.

    Good luck with the drama. I hope you find reasonable boundaries you can live with. I equally hope your son finds a path, with help of other professionals, to deal with his opiate disease.

    All the best!

    • madyson007 says:

      No you didn’t read the wrong Friday…once again our appointment has been canceled as we un-bury ourselves from 20 inches of snow. Thanks for checking on us! He will have to reschedule on Monday.

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