Ok forgive me, I am all over the place this week. My son disappeared on Sunday. A normal mom wouldn’t jump to the same conclusions that I did, but I never made any claims at being normal. His phone was turned off, which immediately sets me into panic mode because I associate it with evasion, lying, using, relapse etc… Why it can’t just mean his phone died, is beyond the scope of my emotions right now. He was suppose to meet his dad at a restaurant for a Superbowl Sunday party and he was a no show. I felt physically ill and in a total panic. I obsessively dialed his number with the same results for hours. It turns out his phone had died and he had car troubles. This is actually a very typical story he would tell us when he was “out doing his thing”. Only guess what? His phone really was dead and his car really did get stuck. He finally got a hold of his dad three hours later but not before I had a complete nervous breakdown. I hate feeling like this but it is pretty common for me lately. Meanwhile, my son who really had done nothing wrong was upset because he knew what this would do to me. Even when he is telling the truth I can not calm these feelings. If you read my previous post you can see my emotions that sit simmering beneath the surface at all times, a kind of quiet desperation. When will this go away?
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