He has had a slip up… I am devastated. My heart is in my throat and I am having a hard time keeping food down. He has assured me that it was just a stupid little slip and he is right back on track but I am not sure about that. He is now buying off the street a controversial drug called Suboxone but he won’t be able to for long. He says it just makes him feel more in control of his destiny. To me it is just one step away from where he started and I am TERRIFIED. It is a drug that keeps him from craving and puts him in control but it is not without consequences. You can google it for a full explanation. He told me today he doesn’t feel or care about things anymore and he doesn’t know why…which is exactly what I have seen all along. I am at a total loss about what to do right now. His girlfriend is going to break up with him and he thinks he doesn’t care but I know he will be devastated. Devastation for him has always been just a couple of baby steps away to relapse. Someone please tell me how to help my son. I am so stupid, every time I let my guard down and think things are going to be ok the black clouds of doom come back. I love him so much and I just don’t know how to help him. Why does God feel so very far away?
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