The slippery slope…

He has had a slip up… I am devastated.  My heart is in my throat and I am having a hard time keeping food down.  He has assured me that it was just a stupid little slip and he is right back on track but I am not sure about that.  He is now buying off the street a controversial drug called Suboxone but he won’t be able to for long. He says it just makes him feel more in control of his destiny.  To me it is just one step away from where he started and I am TERRIFIED.  It  is a drug that keeps him from craving and puts him in control but it is not without consequences.  You can google it for a full explanation.  He told me today he doesn’t feel or care about things anymore and he doesn’t know why…which is exactly what I have seen all along.  I am at a total loss about what to do right now.  His girlfriend is going to break up with him and he thinks he doesn’t care but I know he will be devastated.  Devastation for him has always been just a couple of baby steps away to relapse.  Someone please tell me how to help my son.  I am so stupid, every time I let my guard down and think things are going to be ok the black clouds of doom come back.  I love him so much and I just don’t know how to help him.  Why does God feel so very far away?

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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One Response to The slippery slope…

  1. Laura says:

    Hello

    OH my heart just aches for you! I wish I could pull you into my arms and hug you and cuddle you.

    I do not have time to “google” the drug your son took, but no drug is OK!

    Is there any way you can speak to your family doctor and send him back to a inpatent rehab? And they can keep him until he is clean? I know how hard that will be on you, all of you as a family.

    I also know his girlfriend breaking up with him just may send him over the edge even more.

    Know you are very much in my thoughts and prayers.

    God is there. I at times ask the same thing. Even when we do not feel him, or understand.

    I did send you a very short email last night. I put the title “blog” I think.. I hope you got it.

    Laura – Tinkerbells mommy

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