It is amazing how I seem to be able to go through the most extreme emotions in a matter of 24 hours. Yesterday I met with “Big Son’s” counselor’s, I liked that they wanted to involve the family. I could see he was genuinely trying to commit to a program. This morning I got up wondering if he would try to call his old boss and get his job back. He says he has called but I really am not at all sure about that. In fact I am not ever sure about anything he says and I hate feeling that way. You see I am the believer. My husband would say “Are you crazy that is not anxiety he is having, that is “jonesing” for his drug…” or “Where do you think all that money is going?” and I would repeat back to my husband what ever he had told me that day because I BELIEVED. I was such a fool. I tried to talk my husband into all of his lies. It caused and still causes such tension between my husband and I. Are marriage has been profoundly effected by all of this but not destroyed, yet.
All of our children are having a hard time believing that the economy is severely effecting this family. They don’t see how bad we are struggling financially. They want new cell phones, clothes, contact lenses, manicure’s, a new bed, a new room, a new car and the latest video games. They want money for the movies, gas, dinner or to fill a prescription…and I want to give them all of that. I am failing miserably and we are going deeper into debt. Now on top of everything we are going to be paying off rehab and doctor bills.
What I don’t understand is why “Big Son” doesn’t feel the urgency of getting a job? He is 20 years old when will he understand that his money is not for just the fun stuff and we pay for everything else. He needs money for gas, to pay a lawyer, to pay for his own prescriptions, doctor visits, counseling and buy his own damn contact lenses and clothes. I still have young children who need me but “Big Son” needs to start behaving like an adult or this is a sinking ship and I want to jump the hell off.